A HEARTBROKEN widow missed her husband’s final call as she was getting their children ready for bed, minutes before he took his own life.
Lisa Marshall admitted to replaying that moment on a loop, and being haunted by the question: “Could I have stopped him?”
Lisa Marshall and her late husband, Alan MarshallCredit: Jam Press
Lisa described Alan as a ‘fun dad’ who was always making her laughCredit: Jam Press
Her husband Alan took his own life in March 2023, aged 37, less than an hour after calling Lisa.
Lisa missed the call as she was giving her children Henry, eight, Matthew, seven and Sofia, three, dinner and getting them ready for bed.
The 33-year-old tried to call her husband back but he’d already taken his own life.
“When I realised I missed his last call, I was kicking myself,” Lisa, from , said.
“If I had answered, would I have been able to sense something in his voice?
“Could I have stopped him? Could I have got help? Could I have changed the outcome?
“There are so many unknowns because I don’t know what he wanted to say.
“He could have been calling to say goodbye or he could have been calling to say he was going to be home late and not to put dinner on for him.
“I’ll never know.”
The last time Lisa saw Alan was when he left for work as a dentist.
She described it as a “completely normal” day and said he’d never shared with anyone that he was struggling with his mental .
Lisa said: “I wasn’t aware of any issues or that he was suffering with his and he never asked for help.
“It was a normal day. He went to work as normal, we were texting normally the whole day.
“He tried to phone me at 6pm but I was getting the kids ready for dinner and my son was playing games on the phone.
I dropped to the floor, I couldn’t speak. I was heartbroken, the wind was taken out of me and I nearly threw up
Lisa Marshall
“The battery drained, I charged it and noticed he tried to call so I rang back but he was already dead.
“When the came, I thought it was him coming home from work.
“Then I thought it was about my dad because my mum was at mine.
“It didn’t cross my mind it would be for Alan.
Lisa and Alan with their three childrenCredit: Jam Press
Alan spoke to no one about his troubles with his mental healthCredit: Jam Press
“I dropped to the floor, I couldn’t speak. I was heartbroken, the wind was taken out of me and I nearly threw up.
“I was in shock. I thought they’d got the wrong person and it was a mistake or it was an accident but the police had his ID.”
Lisa says she was desperate at first to find out why Alan was feeling suicidal, but has been forced to accept that she’ll never know.
She said: “Dentists have a really high suicide rate because it’s a very stressful job.
“I was trying to find out if something happened at work but there was nothing.
“I’m just left wondering but there’ll never be a reason that’s good enough.”
‘Best friend’
Lisa, also a dentist, met Alan in a nightclub in Glasgow in 2011 and they went on their first date six months later.
He proposed to her on the day of her graduation in 2014.
Lisa said: “Me and Alan were best friends.
“We were in sync and finished each other’s sentences.
“He made my laugh all the time.
“Alan was always joking, he was a big kid, full of life, and he lit up a room.
“He was the fun parent, always playing with the kids.”
Lisa documents her grieving process on her account, The Widow Diaries , to raise awareness of the charities that have helped her since losing Alan and to encourage anyone suffering with their mental health to ask for help.
She added: “There were 1,000 people at Alan’s but he didn’t speak to any of them about how he was feeling.
“People would rather help than attend your funeral.
“Our lives are hard without him but he’s missing out on so much now.
“Sofia has never had a birthday with her dad.
How to get help
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net , 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk , 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org , 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org , 116 123
“At the funeral, I put a card in his coffin saying I was sorry that I couldn’t help him and that I forgave him.
“I told him I loved him and was proud of him and I couldn’t remember the last time I told him that because we were busy with the kids.
“If you’re struggling, you have to talk to someone. Just tell one person how you’re feeling.
“There’s a ripple effect, people are traumatised and I have .
“I still haven’t gone back to work. I couldn’t speak about Alan’s death for two years because it was so painful.
“Counselling and peer support has helped hugely as well as exercise and self care like reiki.
“I also wrote everything down because I couldn’t say how I felt out loud.”
Some of the charities that have supported Lisa since Alan’s death include A Place Called Here , Winston’s Wish , Widowed and Young , and Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS).
She also shared some charities that she believes could have supported Alan if he’d reached out for help, including The Canmore Trust and Papyrus .
Lisa has been left traumatised by her lossCredit: Jam Press/@the_widowdiaries
She urged people struggling to just talk to someoneCredit: Jam Press/@the_widowdiaries 
