"How Hitting Rock Bottom with £40k in Debt and a Wine Addiction Led Me to Seek Help"

CURLED up on the kitchen floor of my flat at 10am, I weep while snorting yet another line of cocaine.

It’s day four of my latest binge, and after necking countless bottles of and hoovering up £400 of coke, I’m a total mess – but there’s even worse to come.

At the peak of her addiction, Marnie Dillon was £40,000 in debt and spent most nights boozing and sniffing coke off the coffee table until the kids woke upCredit: SWNS As time went on, Marnie’s binges got more destructiveCredit: SWNS

In desperation, my partner has taken my kids from me.

I’m all alone, I haven’t eaten or showered, and soon there will be bailiffs banging at the door. It’s finally sinking in: I can’t do this anymore.

Seven years ago, I had nothing left to live for. My addiction had completely taken over, and I’d lost my kids and my well-paid job in finance.

I was drowning in £40,000 of debt and spent most nights boozing and sniffing coke off the table until the kids woke at 6am.

Today, I’m sober and debt-free. I cook wholesome family meals and take my three kids, aged 11, eight and eight months, on exciting day trips.

The rent is paid, the are settled, and no more final demands are piling up on the doormat. This is the life I prayed for, but to get to this point, I’ve been through hell.

I was just 12 years old when I started sipping WKD alcopops in the park with pals. My family life was totally normal; I just fell into the wrong crowd.

By 17, I was in a toxic relationship, partying in clubs long after my friends had gone home, then sniffing coke alone at 7am.

I had no ‘off’ button, and even after I met my lovely partner, who enjoyed alcohol in moderation, when I was 21, and he was 29, I didn’t slow down.

We welcomed our first child, a little girl, when I was 24, but I was already in the throes of addiction. I managed to stay sober while pregnant, but soon after the birth, I was straight back to weeknight binges.

A year later, I went back to my full-time job as a credit controller at an advertising agency in East London. That’s when life became unmanageable.

I joined colleagues for liquid lunches and took cocaine in the loos.

When work ended, the party came home to my flat in Stansted Mountfitchet.

I’d put my daughter to bed before drinking countless bottles of wine and alone until the early hours.

It sounds selfish, but I didn’t feel guilty. I told myself I was a great mum because my baby was safe, clean and fed.

Binging every few nights was my reward, but my partner didn’t see it that way.

He’d argue with me all the time, wading through the empty bottles to tell me my habit was unhealthy. He hated watching the woman he loved replaced with a slurring zombie.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” he asked countless times.

On Christmas Day 2016, Marnie drove her car and crashed into a traffic island while looking for a fixCredit: SWNS Red letters demanding cash piled up on the mat and bailiffs banged on the door at all hours, admits MarnieCredit: SWNS

I honestly didn’t know.

As time went on, my binges got more destructive. I took care of my child and held down my job… until it all came crashing down.

On Day 2016, I started drinking at my parents’ house in Essex and didn’t stop for 72 hours.

I left my daughter in their safe hands and drove around looking for a fix.

Halfway through town, I blacked out, crashed into a traffic island and wrote off my car.

Binging every few nights was my reward, but my partner didn’t see it that way.

Incredibly, no one was hurt, but that was the last straw for Mum and Dad.

They bundled me into their car and paid £10,000 for a five-week stay in rehab in Halstead, Essex.

I didn’t fight it. In my mind, my parents were paying for me to run away from my problems. But being away from my daughter broke my heart.

After spending the first few days in bed with the hangover from hell, I started to embrace the .

My parents brought my little girl to visit once a week and were glad to see their own daughter looking fresh.

But I had some big to share: I was pregnant with my second child.

KNEE-DEEP IN ADDICTION

It was a huge shock for me and my partner, and the kick I needed to ditch my habit – or so I thought.

I quit my London job, opting for a finance job in the next town, and stayed clean until my little boy was born in August 2017.

Two weeks later, I was knee-deep in drink and drugs, spiralling back into binges which saw me sniffing £400 worth of cocaine and drinking eight bottles of cheap wine in a 48-hour binge.

It’s an incredible amount, I’m not sure how I managed to do it for so long. Thankfully, I was not .

In a matter of months, I wrote off four more cars. No one was injured and no passengers were ever in the car. Without to the office, I lost my job and had to take the kids out of their pricey nursery school.

My partner sent about £100 a week to help with bills, and while I used some to ensure the kids were fed and thriving, the rest – including about £1,000 a month in housing benefit and tax credit – went on drink and .

Red letters demanding cash piled up on the mat, and bailiffs banged on the door at all hours. I ignored the lot.

Marnie’s family and friends stopped speaking to her so she got into a Cocaine Anonymous meetingCredit: SWNS It’s been seven years since Marnie turned her life around and she forgives herself for all of the awful things that occurredCredit: SWNS

In a desperate bid to clear my debt, I took out four and six payday loans with eye-watering interest rates. One loan rocketed from £1,000 to £10,000 overnight, and before I knew it, I owed £40,000.

The debt StepChange tried to help, setting up an agreement to split £80 a month across all my creditors. But there was no way I’d ever break even paying off a fiver at a time.

Everything came to an explosive head in August 2019. For four days solid, I sniffed countless lines of cocaine and downed bottles of booze while the children slept.

When my partner called, he was so concerned that he rushed to the flat and took the kids. I was too far gone to care. In fact, I was relieved. I could carry on my party for one.

Looking back, that breaks my heart.

I spent the next three days curled up on the kitchen floor, crying into lines of cocaine. I had nothing left.

LIVE OR DIE

My family and friends had stopped speaking to me, my life was a mess, and I was all alone.

I had a choice: live or die.

That day, I dragged myself off the floor and into a meeting in Essex. I got a sponsor and followed the 12-Step Programme.

I didn’t once – there was no way I could live without the kids – and because I was a binger, I didn’t suffer from the awful withdrawal symptoms you see in the movies.

I got the kids back three weeks later, and I’ve been clean and sober ever since.

That same year, I got a debt relief order. It’s a government-run service, like a mini , that wipes everything you owe if you’re unemployed and have no left at the end of the month.

I paid £90 for the service [there is now no charge], which contacts every creditor you owe and wipes all debt. The creditors don’t get paid. Instead, they lose the right to recover the debt.

The bankruptcy stayed on my credit file for six years until 2025. I couldn’t get anything on credit, not even a phone contract.

It’s been seven years since I turned my life around, and I forgive myself for all of the awful things I did.

Now I have the life I dreamed of – and my kids finally have the mum they deserve.

Thank goodness I had that wake-up call – without it, addiction would have killed me, or I’d have ended up in .

I’m now back working in finance, and I’m a Cocaine Anonymous sponsor for others.

My relationship didn’t last, but my ex is so proud of me and a huge part of our three kids’ lives.

When people think of addicts, they picture tramps drinking out of brown paper bags, but the reality is more frightening.

I had freshly-painted , a bouncy blow-dry and a big smile. You’d never have known I was going through hell.

Now I have the life I dreamed of – and my kids finally have the mum they deserve.

• To find peer support meetings, search for Cocaine Anonymous or download the CA Meeting Finder app.
• Marnie raises awareness about addiction on TikTok and Instagram @sobrietymama