THERE is a race against time to save this country.
Our fate is in the hands of Millennials and Gen Z , who must, without hesitation, start popping out babies in a bid to combat our plummeting population.
Figures show Britain’s fertility rate has fallen to a new low of 1.41, the worst since 1938.
We need a birth rate of 2.1 per woman to keep the population stable without migration .
So in years to come there will be fewer workers to pay taxes or to fund benefits or services for pensioners — and we’ll be welcoming in migrants by the boat load to top up the workforce.
The problem is, many young people aren’t in a situation to become a parent. And many simply don’t want to.
I don’t blame them for that.
If I was in their shoes, I wouldn’t want to pop out a load of babies either.
They face many issues.
The first major hurdle is actually finding the right partner to, you know, do the deed with.
Since Covid , so many singletons have worked from home — alone, isolated.
As their chances of meeting a real-life human in the office to go on a date with fell, their mental health problems increased.
It is no wonder that so many lonely Gen Zers have now said they want to be back in the office for more social interaction and after-work drinks.
I also partly blame the likes of Taylor Swift for this lack of baby making.
Bear with me, Swifties!
Our Millennials and Gen Zers have grown up watching Taylor — and thousands and thousands of influencers — in a carefully curated, artificial online world. Their fans want that life.
These potential baby-makers have been influenced.
They want that unrealistic perfection and an unattainable fantasy before they settle down and have a child.
They want Insta-worthy romance and love, and now they will be holding out for proposals with more flowers than Hampton Court , too.
They’ve seen celebrities waiting for the right time. Knocking on the door of 50, they miraculously — and often secretly — become a mum or dad.
But real life isn’t like that.
Dating apps haven’t helped, either.
They might be fruitful and fun but you are just a single swipe away from being ghosted without a thought. Which is grim.
With office romances, you have no option to be so callous because the chances are all those Gen Z singletons will meet in the canteen’s matcha latte queue again sooner or later.
Prices going up
Then there is the major stumbling block.
Cute as they may be, babies are very, very expensive.
Equalities minister Bridget Phillipson started banging the baby-making drum back in June, telling people to go out, do their bit and procreate.
But I’m not exactly sure how she and her government think those in their 20s, 30s — and often now 40s — can afford to do that before their fertility window slams shut.
Rents, council tax, heating, loo roll, milk, eggs, childcare . . . you name it, prices are going up. While wages aren’t.
I’m all for doing my bit for the good of the country but over the summer holidays my son’s holiday club was £47 a day. That’s £1,410 over six weeks.
I’m pleased I’ve only got one to pay for.
Of course, some people just don’t want to be parents.
They’ve said “no way” to sleepless nights and stinking nappies.
Good on our younger generation for having the balls to say that.
But for those who do want them, we really do need the help of both Bridget and Taylor.
Bridget and her government need to do more than just tell people to have kids.
They must make sure couples can afford to have them and that our country is actually a great place to bring them up.
As for Taylor Swift , well, she has told friends it is her dream for her and fiancé Travis Kelce to become parents.
And when we see their offspring bouncing all over social media it will make an army of Swifties broody.
Which could give us the baby boom we so desperately need.
Davina’s brief: Have a laugh
LESS than a year after undergoing surgery to remove a benign colloid cyst from her brain, 57-year-old Davina McCall posed in her pants this week looking healthier than ever.
But after the op she suffered such crippling short-term memory loss that it led her partner Michael Douglas to avoid her.
Baffled Davina couldn’t work out why he didn’t want to spend time with her, fearing he’d gone off her and quizzed him.
The hairdresser didn’t mince his words and told her that it was actually because she was constantly repeating herself and it was “annoying”.
Davina said they talked about it – and laughed about it.
Laughter is often the best medicine.
It has clearly worked for her.
MEG’S SMART SHOW
I DON’T mind admitting I’ve binge-watched Meghan Markle’s new series of With Love . . . on Netflix . I love it.
I am not sure it’s supposed to be, but I find it hilarious.
She has very carefully chosen each guest to make sure they help her shine.
Take the episode with model Chrissy Teigen , who rolled up her sleeve to show Meghan the tattoos of her four kids’ dates of birth.
The plan was that it would help her remember them.
Problem is the tattoos have blurred, so she didn’t have a clue who was born when and had to shout to her husband John Legend , who was in the room next door, to help her work it out.
It made smirking Meghan look like a Mensa member in comparison.
Now that is genius.
FEELING festive? John Lewis has predicted what will be its top children’s presents this Christmas and has happily circulated pictures of said products.
It is pushing a wooden air fryer for one of the top spots, which makes sense, I guess, as they’re a favourite kitchen gadget these days.
But the one it is promoting is also emblazoned on the front with John Lewis & Partners.
See what it has done there.
JO PAIN SO SAD
YOU can only imagine the heartache in Radio 2 DJ Jo Whiley’s house right now.
Her husband Steve Morton inadvertently ran over their 14-year-old cat Simba.
He moved the cat off the drive before he parked up but the sneaky moggy had returned under the wheels without him knowing.
Poor Jo sobbed on a podcast and says he’s in a world of pain.
It must be hideous for them both.
RIP Simba.
IT’S SO UNFAIR, RYANAIR
WARNING: Next time you see a Ryanair staff member before your flight, do everything you possibly can to avoid them.
Because they’re coming to get you.
They’ve been told they can have a bigger bonus for intercepting over-sized cabin bags, and there is no longer a cap on the amount they can make from tackling so-called luggage cheats.
You can imagine the Ryanair staff meetings, can’t you?
“How exactly do we make our airline less popular with our customers than it was before?”
SOCKS A RASH CHOICE
WE must try to remember that footballers are just real-life, human beings.
After Marcus Rashford headed to Ikea to kit out his new pad in Barcelona, there was utter shock.
Fellow shoppers took his picture, in the kitchen department, fans said they were “amazed” he could do something so “ordinary” and “loved” the fact he could lower himself to step foot in the Swedish store.
But even if you’re rich and famous like Marcus you still love a blue bag, meatballs and Billy bookcase.
The only thing I was shocked about was his sliders and socks combo.
Which really does prove footballers are just human beings – who can make fashion faux pas, just like the rest of us.
