"On the Brink of Despair: How Menopause Led Me to the Water's Edge, While Doctors Overlooked Critical Warning Signs"

SITTING by my local reservoir, the sun was warm and the birds were singing, yet

I felt nothing. I just didn’t want to be here any more. I walked to the edge of the water, seconds from ending my life, thinking it was the only way to stop the pain and sadness.

Thankfully, at that moment, my phone rang and yanked me back to reality.

That day in September 2025 was the lowest moment of my life.

It was the culmination of many years of turmoil, during which my had plummeted as a result of the .

The hormonal imbalance I experienced left me believing life wasn’t worth living.

Jon and I married in 1998, after meeting through work, and were so happy when our son Nathaniel, now 24, and daughter Eliana, 22, were born.

I worked as a teaching assistant and trampolining coach, and toured with a military band. Life was busy but fulfilling.

Everything changed in 2015, though, when I became perimenopausal at 45.

I had no idea what was happening to me, and I began to have heavy periods that made me anaemic, but I still didn’t make the connection to my low mood.

Initially, I put it down to challenging life events – my mum died in 2016 and then Dad had a the following year.

My prescribed , and was never mentioned.

My mood continued to be up and down, and I felt my self-confidence disappearing. I’d snap at Jon and the kids, feeling angry and lonely.

By 2020, I was incredibly . Simple things – like being asked to stand in for an absent teacher at work – would make me feel overwhelmed and tearful.

In late 2021, my doctor signed me off work and I also quit the band I’d been in for 23 years, cutting myself off from friends. At that point, I just wanted to hide away from the world.

Finally, my GP mentioned perimenopause as a possible reason for my symptoms, but didn’t prescribe me even therapy or , just more antidepressants.

I began to do my own research and learned that changing hormones can have an impact on mental health, so I went back to the doctor and asked to be prescribed HRT, plus I made the decision to have a hysterectomy to .

I had the op in May 2022 and that, along with HRT, improved things, and for the next few years I felt more like the old me.

However, as time went on, my hormones began fluctuating again – likely because my HRT dose needed adjusting – and in December 2024 my anxiety went into overdrive.

The following May, I had a very frightening thought about jumping off the fire escape at the building where I worked, and I realised I didn’t care if I survived.

It scared me that I’d got to the point where I could contemplate leaving my family behind, so I confided in Jon and was referred by my GP for some sessions of talking therapy.

That summer, things got worse. I began self-harming, the pain of cutting myself distracting me from emotions I was feeling.

A few weeks later, I walked to the local reservoir to get some fresh air, but seeing the water, the urge to walk in and end my pain forever was overpowering.

When my phone rang – a routine call from the job centre that was supporting me while I was out of work – it was enough to pull me back from the brink.

Afterwards, I told Jon and a nurse at the GP surgery how close I’d come to .

Jon was devastated, and I was referred to a psychiatrist who diagnosed depression and anxiety triggered by hormone imbalance.

Today, I see a specialist menopause doctor and continue to take HRT.

Treatment is helping and I’m no longer suicidal, but some days are harder than others. I use fitness, baking and music to help me, too.

In the past, I’d prepared myself for night sweats and brain fog when menopause hit, but I never imagined it would leave me wanting to end my life.

I share my story to encourage other women to seek help early on and to understand that it doesn’t just affect the body, but your mental health, too.”