If your children struggle under pressure, here’s how to assist them in remaining calm and carrying on, by Eva Gizowska.
Adults aren’t the only ones experiencing life’s stresses. “Many children need support right now,” says Leanne Cowan, a psychologist at KindleKids.
Here’s how to help them keep calm and carry on.
Stress is affecting 11% of children in the UK, hindering them from moving forward in their lives.*
So, how can you tell if your child is struggling?
First, observe any changes in their behavior. “When a child feels stressed, they may exhibit overthinking, avoidance, anger, or withdrawal,” explains Leanne.
If they show signs of distress, such as difficulties, losing interest in activities they usually enjoy, or self-harm, seek help from a professional or visit the Better Health website.
“Resilience isn’t about being tough and not feeling upset; it’s about having the tools to cope and recover from stressful situations,” states Dr. Josh Harwood, a psychologist at Harwood Child Psychology, who notes that children today have fewer opportunities to learn resilience.
“Parents often try to shield their kids from stress, but this only makes them less resilient, as they haven’t acquired the skills to solve problems.”
Here’s how you can help...
Be a Role Model
Children learn by imitation.
Adults can also benefit from learning effective coping mechanisms.
“The old saying: ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ doesn’t resonate with children,” says Josh.
“It’s futile to encourage your child to count to ten or practice deep breathing if they see you panicking. I often see parents in my clinic who worry that their child is frequently having meltdowns. However, children learn by observing. When they witness you managing difficult situations calmly and positively, they will learn to emulate that behavior.”
Encourage Problem Solving
Often, we go to great lengths to simplify life.
“Many parents attempt to resolve every issue for their child rather than encouraging them to find solutions,” says Josh.
For instance, if your child is frustrated about doing most of the work on a group project, you could suggest they speak to the teacher, but also empower them to collaborate with their team to find a solution.
Additionally, praise effort rather than outcomes.
“Let them know that even if they face setbacks, the key is to keep trying,” explains Josh.
“If you only focus on the outcome, they are more likely to feel discouraged and give up if they don’t succeed.”
Build Confidence
Parents need to create an emotionally safe environment for their children.
“Many children have difficulty processing their emotions, which can leave them feeling overwhelmed and anxious,” says Leanne.
To assist, parents should strive to make their child feel emotionally secure by connecting with them—this may require you to pause, set aside distractions, and focus entirely on your child.
Leanne recommends setting aside 10 minutes at the same time each day to dedicate to your child.
An important aspect of this approach is that you’re requesting their time rather than offering yours. This is a subtle yet significant distinction.
Listen to your child and acknowledge their feelings. This will help them feel valued and accepted.
Establish a weekly date where you can spend quality time together doing something you both enjoy.
Instill Some Routine
‘Eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, social connections, and spending time outdoors in nature.’
If there are aspects of your child’s life that cause distress, ensure that there is stability in other areas.
“Children tend to thrive emotionally when there is structure and routine in their lives,” says Josh.
“Predictability is calming for children. When they know that things follow a certain order, it helps reduce their anxiety. Eating a nutritious diet, getting adequate sleep, exercising regularly, fostering social connections, and spending time in nature are essential pillars for everyone’s well-being, and without them, a child will struggle to build resilience.”
Identify the Issue
“Sometimes children find it hard to pinpoint what they are worried or unsettled about,” explains Leanne.
Try Leanne’s Worry Bubbles exercise:
Take a piece of paper and draw several circles or “worry bubbles” on it.
Ask your child to fill each bubble with something that is causing them worry.
Examine each bubble and have your child ask: “Is this something to worry about now, or in the next five minutes?”
“Pop” any bubbles that don’t require immediate concern.
For example, worrying about studying for exams at bedtime isn’t productive and can
