FERNE McCann has revealed she felt “suicidal”; after hitting rock bottom after finding fame on The Only Way Is Essex.
The reality star, who shot to fame on the ITVBe show in 2013, said she was depressed and would often cry after filming.
, 34, admitted she would adopt a “b****y”; persona on Towie in a bid to secure more airtime – saying “I wanted that fame”;.
But behind-the-scene, Ferne was struggling with the demands and described the experience as “savage”;.
“I was depressed on that show,’ she says. ‘I was showing up as this real bitchy character, when that wasn’t me. I don’t like confrontation.
“I was pretending and getting amongst it to get the airtime because I wanted that fame... but I was so down. I would literally just cry.
“It was savage. It was intense. It was really hard,”; ”; she said at a Trouble Club talk on Wednesday.
Ferne sought help from the show’s mental health team, who she claimed recommended antidepressants, instead of stepping back from the programme.
She recalled: “‘I remember speaking to the team and the psychiatrist said ‘Have you thought about antidepressants?’.
“Now, I’m not against them – there’s a place for them – but for me, it was like, how is that the first thing?”;
She went on to say: “There was a position called cast liaison and I was like, ‘These producers, there must have been a module,’ because I didn’t go to university or anything like that. I was like, ‘there must have been a module where it was like the art of manipulation’.
“Because I’d be like, ‘I’m not doing it. I’m not going in that scene. I’m not saying that!’ And they’d be like, ‘but you’re so good at it’. And they’d keep you in a room. It’s not like that now on TOWIE.”;
Ferne quit the show in 2016 after three years and becoming one of the most memorable cast members for her fiery rows, onscreen romance and epic fallouts with the likes of Gemma Collins.
The TV star went on to have seven years of therapy after finding herself in a “dark place”;.
She said: “I was very, very low and dealing with anxiety... and having suicidal thoughts at one stage in my life.
“People had opinions on how I looked, how I spoke, how I behaved,’ she said. ‘It was like overnight success that I really struggled with.
“That was when trolling really started. That was when I started to struggle with my mental health.”;
Ferne admitted she had a mental breakdown – but said she “needed it”;.
She added: “‘[Therapy] was the best decision that I’ve ever ever ever made because now I feel like a changed person. I’m so different in the way I approach and handle tough times, good times.”;
Ferne is much more confident now and happier within herself after going on a “healing journey”;.
Just last month, she shared a message promotingand self love.
Ferne told fans she has “and”; in the candid offering.
The stunning mum of two could be seen rocking an apple green two piece
, who is currently on holiday with husband-to-beand her kids, has been keeping her fans updated while enjoying a restful time.
Sharing the video of herself basking in the sun, Ferne penned: “I’m grateful for my body and all that it does for me.”;
In the video, she could be seen showing off her figure in the bathing suit before adding a colourful skirt and a pair of glam earrings.
She then said in the caption: “My boobs are sagging & two different sizes. I have cellulite. My outfit isn’t on trend.
“My face is wonky. I have wrinkles round my eyes.”;
But then Ferne flipped perspective and added: “My boobs provide comfort for my baby. My cellulite is just a sign of females body that moves and lives.
Continuing her positive caption, she added: “No matter who we are, whatever our age, shape, or story we all seem to find faults in ourselves that wouldn’t even exist for anyone else.
“So why do we naturally lean toward the negative thought about ourselves? We get to choose how we speak to ourselves.”;
Concluding the caption, Ferne wrote: “So let’s choose self-kindness and self-empowerment.”;
Ferne is a mother to two daughters: Sunday, who was born in 2017 with her ex-boyfriend,, and Finty, who was born in 2023 with her fiancé,.
Lorri also has a son with a former partner.
