"Escaping a Sex Cult: My Journey from Abuse and Brainwashing to Freedom"

STEPPING into the beach house in the Philippines, I had no idea why I’d been brought there – until the woman looking after me told me to wait while she had sex with the wealthy man who owned it.

I was only four years old, but this was an average day growing up in the , in which members were encouraged to use sex to tempt rich strangers to join or donate.

Maria Esguerra was born into the Children of God cult and finally escaped after enduring beatings, brainwashing and sexual abuseCredit: Supplied When an eight-year-old Maria finally got the courage to tell someone she was being abused, she was told to start picking her nose to ‘put him off’Credit: Supplied

It was just the tip of the iceberg, and over the next 18 years I’d experience unimaginable suffering – from – before finally escaping, aged 22.

Growing up in Australia and then the Philippines, where we moved when I was one, my seven siblings and I were born into , which our parents had joined when they were around 18. Founded in 1968 by , one of its central beliefs was the ‘law of love’.

This meant that anything done in love was godly, so sex was encouraged.

Members were controlled by being forced to move cities or countries at a moment’s notice and live in communes, which were often chaotic and noisy.

I never spent more than six months in one place. My siblings and I slept in dorms with other children, and were subject to beatings from adults at any time for something as small as eating a snack. We lived in constant fear.

to believe the world was about to end, we were isolated and terrorised with tales of what happened to people who left the cult – that they were plunged into darkness, while we lived in the light.

Adults were forced to have sex with each other, and sexual abuse of children was rife

TV, radio, books and magazines were all forbidden. Our ‘education’ consisted of hours spent memorising the Bible and reading letters from Berg – who had gone into hiding in the ’70s due to criminal investigations and warrants connected to allegations of child abuse, neglect and sexual exploitation within the group.

Meanwhile, adults were forced to have sex with each other, and sexual abuse of children was rife.

I struggled to find the words to express the horror of what was happening to me.

When, aged eight, I finally confided in an adult that I was being abused, she just told me to try picking my nose to put him off. It didn’t work.

You were shamed if you used modern , so I didn’t have any vaccinations and suffered from mumps, measles, chicken pox, whooping cough and malaria.

My dad died of cancer when I was four, because everyone was simply told to pray for him.

At 15, I was sent to a commune in Japan by myself, with no way to contact my family. It was awful, but I knew I had no choice, and spent my days standing in the street, trying to get strangers to donate money.

At 19, I went to another commune in and fell in love with my husband Jesse, who’d also been born into the cult.

Brainwashed to believe the world was about to end, we were isolated and terrorised with tales of what happened to people who left the cult – that they were plunged into darkness, while we lived in the light

He was so different from the other men, though, as he was artistic and thoughtful.

A few months later, we married at the town hall. But despite quickly becoming pregnant, we didn’t even consider leaving.

Maria says the children lived in constant fear of the adultsCredit: Supplied Maria with her husband Jesse and sons Ethan and AlexCredit: Supplied

When I first held my baby son, Ethan, in June 2001, I promised him everything would be different.

But we couldn’t break free from the cult – it was all we’d ever known, and it was frightening to think of life outside.

Then, at six months, Ethan nearly died from and was left with a brain injury. I tormented myself that it was punishment for the doubts I’d had.

When I gave birth to our son Alex in October 2003, it hit me: I needed to get my babies out. So, we ran away.

With no education or life experience, it was frightening, but we were determined. We hustled, baking cookies and selling them door to door, and working every sales and call-centre job we could get.

As time went on, therapy helped me process the abuse and why I was having severe panic attacks and trauma responses. I’d look at my boys, think about what life would be like if we hadn’t left the cult, and shudder. I never regretted our decision to go. My siblings and mum have since left the cult, too.

Last May, 25 years after marrying, Jesse and I finally had a wedding party, and it was an amazing celebration of what we’d accomplished.

I’m a psychologist and behavioural support practitioner now, and through my work at the Olive Leaf Network – an organisation supporting survivors – I see the devastation cause.

I want people to know that, however dark their world may seem, there is always hope.”

After giving birth to their son Alex, the family ran away from the cult with no education or life experienceCredit: Supplied Maria as a baby. She didn’t have any childhood vaccinations and suffered from mumps, measles, chicken pox, whooping cough and malaria growing upCredit: Supplied