SITTING beside a couple at a packed swingers festival in Lincolnshire, I expected them to tell me about the best sex of their lives.
What they described instead caught me completely off guard.
The Sun’s Sexpert George Culley visited the Swingathon May Bank Holiday Weekender at The Mirage, Lincolnshire Credit: Olivia West
Swingers gathered on the dance floor at the wild cowboy-themed party Credit: Olivia West
They told me the most exciting part came afterwards, something in the lifestyle known as “reclaim sex”.
For many , it’s the intimate reunion with their partner after sleeping with someone else, often involving sharing every detail of what happened.
If you think that’s unconventional, I can tell you there’s far more to the swinger lifestyle than meets the eye.
As , I’ve covered dozens of sex soirées and swinging festivals over the years and learnt a great deal about the community.
Last weekend, I was invited to cover . Over 300 Brits came together, ahem, at alternative club, The Mirage, in Leafy Lincolnshire.
It wasn’t my first rodeo – I have attended their twice and even joined them on their X-rated Gran Canaria tour a few years ago.
You could say I’ve seen it all, but every raunchy rendezvous is different and I’m always discovering new, fascinating titbits about the scene.
From reclaiming sex to the importance of ‘aftercare’, here are SIX things you probably didn’t know about the lifestyle…
‘Reclaim sex’ is the best
People presume that if you’re a swinger, having nookie with a sexy stranger is the most exciting part – but they’re wrong. Every swinger I’ve met tells me how the ‘’ is actually when they reunite with their other half for the first time after sleeping with someone else.
Steve and Chloe, from Goole, Yorkshire, are swingers that travelled to the event Credit: Olivia West
Over 300 Brits came together for the annual sex festival Credit: Olivia West
This belief is SO widespread among the community that they’ve actually coined a phrase for it – ‘reclaim sex’. For many couples, hearing what their partner got up to with someone else is a HUGE turn on.
Interestingly, a lot of women especially love hearing what their man did – and want all the saucy details. What’s more, this is actually backed up by science. Studies show women are more turned on by audio cues whereas men are more visual creatures – which explains why porn is so popular among guys.
After they’ve ’reclaimed them’, swingers tell me how they experience a closeness like never before with their partner, in and out of the bedroom.
They practise ‘aftercare’
There’s a strict etiquette to being a swinger, and every couple has their own set of rules and boundaries to help make the experience a positive one. One important element is something known as ‘’ – when couples reconnect afterward and talk openly about what they liked, as well as what they didn’t, in their experiences with others.
These conversations can lead to adjusting rules, reinforcing boundaries, or sometimes relaxing them. There’s no fixed blueprint for swinging – even those who’ve been part of the lifestyle for years are continually evolving, adapting, and refining what works best for them.
Hot-wifing is a huge trend in the lifestyle
There’s lots of different kinks in the community but the one I hear the most among couples is the hot-wifing trend – this is where a married or committed woman – has sex with other men with her partner’s blessing.
The husband can either take part or watch from the sidelines. In some cases, the partner doesn’t have to be in the same room – he may get turned on by hearing what his woman got up to with another man.
One couple I met at Swingathon’s Weekender shared a dynamic I found fascinating. He enjoyed hearing about what his partner got up to when he wasn’t around.
Some couples, Georgie noticed, even spend time together outside of the bedroom and enjoy a meal with one another Credit: Olivia West
In every playroom, there’s a bowl of condoms and safe play is actively encouraged Credit: Olivia West
Their rule was that she always had to document it with pictures, videos, and a written story for him to enjoy. Often, she would even send it to him while he was at work to brighten his day.
It’s not all about sex
Contrary to common belief, the lifestyle isn’t just about sex. A lot of these events are very social and there are times when you actually forget you’re at a swinging party – and then turn to the side and spot a group disappearing into a playroom.
But a lot of swingers are good pals with the people they play with. Some couples even hangout outside of the bedroom – and do everyday things like go for a meal or to the pub together.
There is a strict etiquette to being a swinger, and every couple has their own set of rules and boundaries Credit: Olivia West
Swinger Paul and Cheryl, from Spalding, run their own events at the festival Credit: Olivia West
Swingers tend to only play with other swingers
A lot of swingers I’ve met will only play with other swingers, so they won’t go to a ‘normal’ club and pull someone who isn’t in the lifestyle. This is to keep boundaries in place and avoid anyone who could become a threat to their relationship.
Swinging is different to being in a – where you consensually have one or more committed partners.
Swingers practise safe sex
A lot of people who have never met a swinger or been to an alternative event have a lot of misconceptions about the community and think they all must be . This couldn’t be further from the truth, most swingers are very sensible.
In every playroom, there’s a bowl of condoms and safe play is actively encouraged. For many swingers, is a non-negotiable. In fact, most swingers are more aware of their sexual health than someone who goes to a ‘normal’ club and has a drunken one night stand with a stranger.
Eze Chidiebere Paul
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