WE HAVE all wondered how we’d stack up against a professional footballer, so I put myself against the best.

After the best season of his life, is putting up numbers that we have only ever seen produced by the greatest to ever play the beautiful game – .

Mexico v England: Round Of 16 - FIFA World Cup 2026Kane hit a top speed of 32.1 KM/H during the World Cup Credit: Getty NINTCHDBPICT001099910320A pace that I had to try and beat Credit: Lloyd Canfield

So, to really compare myself against him, I’d need some physical numbers to shoot for, and some serious improvement on my finishing skills which would never match his…

Thankfully, with my StatSports vest on, which Kane himself uses to check out his numbers with best-in-the-game tracking and tech, I had all the numbers I needed, and the right equipment to track my progress.

CHALLENGE ONE: SPRINT SPEED

Now, obviously, Kane is a professional athlete.

I, on the other hand, play 5-a-side once a week, often skip leg day, and ate fast food almost every day while I was at the World Cup watching him hammer home the goals.

So to start off, I chose a test I thought I had a chance of beating him at – sprint speed.

During the World Cup, StatSports measured ‘s top speed as 32.1 KM/H, and they set me up with a 40m sprint to see how close I could get to that.

My first two attempts clocked in slower than him, at 31.1 KM/H and then 30.2 KM/H, before I finally pulled it together and got the better of him with my third sprint, at 32.3 KM/H – I was buzzing with that.

NINTCHDBPICT001099910367I embodied my inner Lightning McQueen for my last attempt Credit: Lloyd Canfield NINTCHDBPICT001099910361And finally got one over on the England captain Credit: Lloyd Canfield

CANFIELD 1-0 KANE

CHALLENGE TWO: JUMPING

Something Kane is certainly better than me at though, is scoring headers.

A key part of which, is your ability to leap in the air, which is not one of my strengths.

A professional like the number nine would be looking to measure up at around 40cm in my next test, a standing vertical jump, with the top five percent of Prem stars clocking in at over 48cm.

Up I stepped, all 5’7 of me, to jump a whopping 31cm – nine centimeters short of my target.

Kane had levelled the scoring, just like he did against .

CANFIELD 1-1 KANE

Tottenham Hotspur's English striker HarrKane had me easily beaten in the air Credit: AFP or licensors

CHALLENGE THREE: STAMINA

My stamina has occasionally left a little to be desired.

But after plenty of running in the last season or so, thanks to running every time played last season, and , which saw me labelled ‘pathetic’ by and , I feel fairly fit at the moment.

To measure my stamina, the StatSports team had me run one kilometre as quickly as I could – running back and forth on a pitch.

They reliably informed me that Kane would be aiming for a time of under three-and-a-half minutes, so that was my benchmark.

Off I went, with former professional footballer Sam Wardrop guiding me on my timings, who told me after my first length “you need to pick up the pace, way too f****** slow.”

That I did.

I was briefly on track to match him when my legs started giving up on me, and I was falling behind – still pushing my limits but unable to keep up with Bayern’s best.

The final sprint back to the line felt as though I had chains around my ankles with planets attached to them, as I clocked in at just under four minutes.

Still, I was pretty pleased that I could do 1km in under four minutes, but disappointed I had been beaten.

So he had won, but I WILL be working on my dribbling and finishing to one day be better than him at those…

FINAL SCORE: CANFIELD 1-2 KANE

Soccer Football - FIFA World Cup 2026 - England Training - Swope Soccer Village, Kansas City, Missouri, U.S. - July 14, 2026 England's Harry Kane during training IMAGN IMAGES via Reuters/Jay Bigger...He also comfortably beaten for stamina