GIVING up a child for adoption is never an easy decision, but Melaina Rogers had no ill feelings towards her biological mum, who had decided it was the best thing for her baby daughter.
Living in a small town in and being a mum-of-three at the time, she was already struggling to make ends meet, and so Melaina completely understood why her mother had wanted a better life for her – that was until she visited her for the first time years later.
Melaina Rogers always knew that she was adopted
Her adopted parents never lied about Melaina’s background
At just a few weeks old, Melaina, now a mum-of-three, was flown to the US to live with her family in Layton, Utah, which is where she has remained ever since.
But while her parents,Cate and Mike Larsen, now both 76, who have four biological kids, have always been completely open about her past, there was one thing she didn’t find out until later.
While Melaina always knew she was adopted and that her older siblings had remained at home in Colombia, she was shocked to find out that three of her other brothers and sisters, who were born after her, were never put up for adoption.
It meant that out of her mother’s seven children, she was the only one who was given up.
Speaking to Fabulous, the 37-year-old tells her story of coming face-to-face with her mother, and how the revelation left her asking, “Why me?”
BEING adopted was normal for me. I grew up happy, doted on by my older siblings, now all in their 40s.
My childhood was happy, although I was virtually one of the very few non-white children in my school, and I didn’t physically resemble my siblings.
Still, I never felt excluded – instead I had everything I wanted and needed and was enormously loved.
My birth mum had written me letters, which I had access to – my parents had put all my paperwork in a file for me to access at any time.
In them, she explained I had three older siblings, two brothers, and one sister, but she couldn’t care for me “financially or spiritually”, so she chose to place me for adoption with the hope I’d have a better future.
Some people might think I was angry about that – especially since she had kept my older siblings – but I truly wasn’t.
Instead, I had huge respect for her. She loved me desperately, so she did what she thought was best for me – sacrificing her own wants for mine.
And I was happy living in the US with a who loved me. I worked hard at , met production manager Ben, and went on to have three gorgeous , Mia, Mac and Colt.
Long lost family
Aged 30, having become a mother, I decided to seek out my own biological family. I had no huge expectations, aware she might not wish to see me or could even have passed away.
Telling my parents, they were supportive but understandably concerned – they didn’t want me to get hurt.
I’m not going to lie and say that was something I immediately came to terms with. Of course, I wondered ‘Why me?’
Melaina Rogers
In 2017, I spoke to a friend of my husband’s who lived in Colombia about tracking her down.
Admitting it was a long shot, he discovered my biological mother’s number and, seeing it was still active, revealed she was likely still alive. But it was a dead end, and there was no way to contact her.
Melaina is close with her adoptive parents Cate and Mike Larsen
I started to do Lives and a friend from high school watched every single one.
She reached out to me and said she just had a friend post on that she wanted to help someone find their biological family.
She connected us, and within two weeks, the person found a biological sibling and reached out. He answered and then told her that my biological mum wanted to meet me once she discovered who I was.
And then I learned something quite extraordinary – as well as my older siblings, I had three other biological siblings, three younger brothers who were born after me but who my mum hadn’t placed for adoption.
I’m not going to lie and say that was something I immediately came to terms with.
Of course, I wondered, “Why me?”
But talking about it, I learnt she had struggled enormously after parting with me and – realising this – her family agreed that when she fell pregnant with my younger biological siblings, she should keep them.
I did not begrudge that and, happy with the life I had in the US, I ultimately didn’t feel there was anything to forgive.
Melaina and her husband Ben have three gorgeous kids, Mia, Mac and Colt
On June 16, 2017, I had my first tentative phone call with her.
I don’t speak , but my youngest biological brother knew both Spanish and English, so he was able to translate for both of us.
I was so overcome with emotion and so nervous before we spoke. He answered the phone and asked, “Do you want to talk to our mum?” I, of course, said, “Yes.”
Once she showed her face on the screen, we both started to cry immediately. It was a wonderful moment.
Now we speak every few weeks on the phone and text once a week. I feel close to her. In the future, I hope to visit Colombia and meet her, although I don’t consider her my mother.
I’ve also spoken to my new siblings, who are all wonderful. My sister was over the moon; she had always wanted a sister.
Some people might think I was angry about that – especially since she had kept my older siblings – but I truly wasn’t
Melaina Rogers
Of course, they didn’t replace the four I grew up with – I’ve known them forever – but I welcome getting to know my Colombian family.
It’s been easier for me living in the US and having easy access to everything. But my family in Colombia have proved themselves. They’ve graduated from university and achieved big dreams.
I’m open with my story as there’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, people ask inappropriate questions on where I talk about my adoption and subsequent journey to track down my biological mum.
“Do you think adopted children are less loved?” one person asked – of course not, they are just as adored.
“How do you feel about being the only one of seven children put up for adoption?” another person asked.
“Do you think your life would be better if you’d not been put up for adoption?” someone else queried.
But I’m happy as things are – and I believe everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to.
How does adoption work?
In the UK, there is lengthy process involved with adopting a child and it can take up to six months for the paperwork to be finalised.
To even be considered, you have to meet the following criteria:
- You must be over 21
- You must be a legal resident of the UK for at least 12 months.
- No criminal convictions – especially any related to the endangerment of children. This applies to everyone your household.
You will also have to go through an inital background check and assesment, which will consider whether you are the right fit for adoption.
Potenital parents will also have undergo training and a process to match them with the right child.
