FIRST Dates star CiCi Coleman bravely opened up about losing her mum to suicide on a recent episode of the Channel 4 show.
The 40-year-old, who has served as a waitress on the programme since 2015,
Last week’s instalment (November 4) saw CiCi sit down for a meal with a hunky guy and the pair got to know each other.
In a preview of the episode, posted to the show’s Instagram page, the reality star spoke about her childhood, which led her on to talk about how her mum took her own life when she was 14.
CiCi bravely shared: “She took her own life. I have two very loving parents.”
Speaking to the camera, she explained: “I just remember so much fun in my house. So this extreme, crazy, fun woman, and then these really lows.
“We as children, my sister and I, thought that was normal, you know?
“Mummy goes up, mummy goes down. And my dad was just picking up the pieces.
“Mum wasn’t a bad person. She was just incredibly lost and had very, very serious mental health issues with no help.
“I became quite independent very, very early because in my head I’m like, well the worst thing in the entire world has happened to me anyway, so n nothing is going to be as bad as that.
“So my idea of love, and my idea of what love should look like, just was stripped away from me.
“So everything about me became let me just protect, let me not love, let me just guard.”
CiCi later told to her date: “So that did dictate a lot of like, life.
“That’s why I was drinking a lot, and going out, because I was like ‘Oh my god. Get me out of the zone’.
“I don’t want to deal with me. I just want to be distracted.
“I want to hang out with older people because no one my age understands what I am going through.”
You're Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net , 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk , 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org , 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org , 116 123
But now she wants to figure out what ‘love’ means to her and wants to let her guard down.
CiCi said to camera: “And there are so many things I now see, as ad adult that I feel incredibly sorry for this version of me, this 14-year-old girl that didn’t have a mum to talk to.
“I’ve had to really unpick a lot of things and try and force myself to remember that guarding yourself is not going to get you anywhere.
“Otherwise no one can get in.
“And just figure out what does CiCi want? Who is CiCi ad what does she think about love?”
Viewers rushed to Instagram to share the love and support.
One wrote: “She’s just lovely.”
Another added: “What strength to share this Cici.”
“What a beautiful human being,” a third chimed in.
A fourth said: “Sharing that and being so self aware, ensures you aren’t stuck and can grow and ultimately move on. People who have faced trauma often get caught in the ‘maze’ and then suffer for the rest of their lives. Good for you Cici x.”
If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans (free) on 116123 or 020 7734 2800.
