I’LL never forget the biggest bedroom buzzkill I’ve ever experienced - and no, it’s not what you’re thinking.
It wasn’t bad breath, questionable hygiene or someone wearing socks in bed (though let’s be honest, those are all heinous crimes against sex).
This was something different. Something way, way worse.
I was reminded of it recently when I read a letter from a reader asking how to introduce a new kink.
It brought back a deeply scarring memory: the time an ex tried to spice things up by saying: “Me and my ex used to love this.”
Excuse me? Did he really just invoke the ghost of orgasms past?
It gets better - he then pulled out a toy he’d used on her and suggested we use it, too.
Look, I’m all for saving the planet, but if you want to save your sex life, recycling old is not the one. Yuck.
If there’s one way to kill the mood faster than a cold drought, it’s bringing your ex (and her old vibrator) into the bedroom.
I’m The Sun’s Sexpert, and this week in my , I’m tackling a powerful question from a reader struggling to open up about his kinks to a new girlfriend.
Q. I’ve recently started seeing a beautiful woman, and I’m really worried my love of anal play might scare her off.
Like a lot of straight guys, I sometimes worry that admitting this might make her question my sexuality.
I’m not gay - I just really enjoy the sensations.
In a previous relationship I used anal beads and absolutely loved them.
How can I introduce them into our sex life without making things awkward?
Georgie says:
“It’s a shame there’s still such a taboo around straight men enjoying anal play - especially when there’s a biological reason it feels so good.
In case you didn’t know, men have a prostate gland (often called the male G-spot) located inside the anus.
When stimulated, it can create incredibly intense orgasms.
In recent years, the stigma has started to shift. The sex toy market for men has exploded, with more guys exploring vibrators, buzzing butt plugs, and yes - anal beads.
I’m all for saving the planet, but if you want to save your sex life, never use an old toy you used on your ex with your new partner
Sun Sexpert Georgie Culley
Anal beads are a sex toy used during intercourse - either together or solo - to enhance your orgasm.
That said, bringing this kind of play - or any new kink - into a new relationship can be daunting.
Naturally, you can worry that opening up about your inner desires may put your new partner off, but it’s important to be open about the things that turn you on. Here’s how you do it...
Positive communication
Create a safe space for you and your partner to talk. Don’t do it when they’re tired or stressed, do it when you’re both in a good mood.
Start with a relaxed, open conversation - ideally outside the bedroom.
Ask them what their fantasises are first, this will open up the conversation and they will ask you back.
You might say something like, “I’ve explored anal play in the past and found it really enjoyable - I’d love to share that side of myself with you if you’re ever open to trying it.”
Start slowly
If your partner is up for trying the kink you’d like you to, move slowly.
Suggest using a toy on her first, which might lead to a natural exchange about mutual curiosity.
Some couples find it hot to try toys on each other - and if she sees how much you’re enjoying it, she might be turned on, too.
Be open-minded
Remember that kink is a broad spectrum. The definition is basically anything outside of “traditional” sex - but what’s considered kinky to one couple might be totally normal for another.
What matters most is that you and your partner feel safe, excited, and respected in exploring whatever brings you pleasure.
So don’t be ashamed. Be curious, be communicative - and most of all, be honest.
Use the traffic code system
New positions, cheeky toys or wild fantasies can seriously crank up the heat in the bedroom.
If you’ve got a few sexy scenarios rattling around in your head, jot them down and share them with your partner.
Not sure how they’ll react? Use the good old traffic light system.
Green means “let’s do it!”, amber is “maybe, if I’ve had a glass of wine,” and red is “not in this lifetime”.
Spruce up your top drawer
What’s that old saying? If it’s within reach, you’re more likely to use it - and no one ever got hot and bothered rummaging through a drawer full of granny socks.
Ditch the dull cottons and make space for things that actually spark joy - like sexy lingerie and a few buzzing besties.
And don’t worry, gone are the days of sneaking into a shady adult shop in oversized sunglasses.
You can now pick up a decent vibrator while grabbing a pint of milk - some supermarkets sell them for as little as £11.
Check out the Durex Intense Delight Vibrating Bullet available at Sainsbury’s .
Show, don’t tell
If you’re introducing a new kink to your partner - and you’re the seasoned pro while they’re a total newbie - sometimes it’s sexier (and smoother) to show, not tell.
This keeps things playful, takes the pressure off them and helps ease you both in gently.
Set the mood, start slow, and if you’re bringing in a new toy or sex aid, demonstrate how it works.
Think of it like a very hands-on tutorial... minus the PowerPoint.
Crucially, never say “me and my ex used to do this”.
No one wants a mental image of your past sex life, so keep the conversation firmly in the present.
By showing instead of explaining, you reduce the risk of awkward misunderstandings - and make the whole experience more exciting and inviting.
