POSSIBLYPAULA is a woman who knows what she wants and today it most certainly isn’t her husband, a man who is completely in the dark about her philandering ways.
And what he doesn’t know is that I’ve met his wife via an extra-marital website where she reveals unashamedly that she’s looking for “butterflies, flirting and anticipation” – just not with the man who put the ring on her finger.
Writer Nick McGrath set up a catfish account on married affairs website Illicit Encounters
Nick found that unfaithful women on the site were desperately trying to remind themselves that they’re still desirable (stock image)
Married Penny was adamant she wasn’t unhappy, ‘just missing something’
She’s looking to hook up with total strangers with a taste for easy infidelity.
Her intention would be to meet, “probably 2-3 times a month and for the right person, daytimes and overnights can be planned”.
PossiblyPaula is actually a 45-year-old mum-of-two called Emma, who is 5’ 8” and whose profile states that she’s “married and not looking to change that. Ideally, you’re also with kids, so expectations are similar”.
She’s looking for “someone I like enough to pop into my head throughout the day and elicit an illicit smile”.
When I scan through the hundreds of profiles ’ Matchmaker algorithm has suggested that I pursue, it’s a similar story.
Married 43-year-old healthcare professional TinyChancer80 says she’s “looking for one person to have fun and excitement with outside of my marriage. My life is content but missing that spark. Hoping to find it here”.
She tells me East is too far to travel from South-West London to casually betray her husband, so we bid our digital farewells.
“I am here after hibernation,” says married 50-year-old arts executive KinkyBoots from , which following the success of the recent Jilly Cooper adaptation of bonkbuster , is currently the .
“And I’m looking for a discreet, suitable and worthy gentleman for a relationship wrapped in discretion.”
Again, the journey from the to London is deemed an unacceptable distance to embark on some surreptitious spousal unfaithfulness.
I used to assume that women who cheated on their husbands didn’t respect the wedding vows they’d once solemnly exchanged, or that maybe they couldn’t handle the monotony of married life.
Or perhaps they’d even realised that they’d married the wrong partner but didn’t have the guts to leave.
But after a week on Illicit Encounters, it’s clear that most of these women are none of those things, and there are three main motivations for wanting a with a married man.
Still desirable
Firstly, they’re seeking fireworks. Or at least a spark.
Secondly the risk of exposure if they have an affair with a non-married man with less to lose than them means cheating with a married man is a much safer bet.
And finally, after years in emotionally and physically disconnected marriages they’re desperate to remind themselves that they’re still desirable.
If they can square all that with their consciences, then Illicit Encounters – rather than doing the harder work of marriage counselling or trying to work out where your flailing relationship veered off course – offers easy solutions to all those problems.
For women, the site is completely free to use whilst men pay £139.99 a month to be able to read and receive messages.
If there is little chance of getting caught, straying is clearly often easier than staying
Nick
A 2025 poll reveals that 33% of British adults claim to have been adulterous; the latest annual Infidelity Index figures indicate an 8% rise in adultery since the start of this year and the latest Modern Marriage Report has concluded that 31% of Brits no longer believe the concept of monogamy is realistic in modern relationships.
So, it’s no surprise that Illicit Encounters claims to have had close to two million genuine UK users since 2004.
If there is little chance of getting caught, straying is clearly often easier than staying.
However, frankly I’m flinching under the sheer weight of deceit.
On both sides. In real life, I’m and in a happy relationship with a new partner, who has grudgingly agreed not to veto my involvement in this furtive experiment.
But in the interests of exploring this duplicitous underworld from a male perspective, I’m IndecentProposer, “an independently wealthy, matrimonially stagnating” father-of-two teenage .
Like Emma, the spark has long extinguished from my fictitious marriage, and I’m seeking “discrete encounters” to illuminate my muted, hollow existence.
A recent poll reveals that 33% of British adults claim to have been adulterous
Emma, a 45-year-old mum-of-two from London, was looking to find the ‘spark’ missing from her marriage
Another message Nick received on the platform
Women have three main motivations for wanting a relationship with a married man, reveals Nick
Persuading thrill-seeking women to meet in person for a potentially vow-crushing encounter required patience, persistence and the ability to blend digital charm, perceived authenticity and manufactured emotional intelligence – all of which I almost dismantled by clumsily WhatsApping Emma about an ex-wife I had never mentioned before.
I was on an inebriated night out with real-life friends.
“Remind me [about] your history again?” she replied curtly, understandably cautious that IndecentProposer may have been less decent than she’d first imagined.
“Do I know about the ex-wife? Kids with wife #1? Married again? Affairs all the way through?”
My response, a hybrid of fact and , concluding that I “wasn’t much of a catch” seemed to placate her and finally, after dozens of messages, we agreed to meet in person a few days later, on Thursday.
What was so lacking with her husband that sparked such a perilous romantic solution?
I wondered how on earth legitimate philanderers avoid sky rocketing blood pressure with such industrial scale fabrication
Nick
PJ76 – or Penny as I soon learned, when she suggested we move our chat to private messaging platform Telegram – was also seeking a confidential emotional connection, long absent from her own marriage.
“I am 45, I work full time, I have two kids, a busy and interesting life, but I’m just missing the spark from my marriage.
“I got married young. I’m not unhappy. I’m just missing something,” revealed the 49-year-old,” after admitting that she’d strayed before.
If there is little chance of getting caught, straying is clearly often easier than staying, says Nick
Another message received by The Sun’s Nick
Discretion was crucial for 5’5” Penny, who confirmed that she had been on the site for three weeks and looked nothing like the Mary Poppins-esque avatar she used on her profile.
“I’m looking for someone in a similar position to me who wants a partner in crime, and someone to laugh and have fun with.
“I don’t want any drama, but what I definitely do want is trust and a mutual understanding.”
The irony of using the word ‘trust’ when she’s the one betraying her husband, wasn’t lost on me but why was it that I was the one feeling guilty for telling her fibs.
I turned a blind eye to my status as a professional and after a lot of back and forth Penny and I agreed to meet for an afternoon drink in a bar, also on Thursday.
As the dates neared, I wondered how on earth legitimate philanderers avoid sky rocketing blood pressure with such industrial scale fabrication.
Meanwhile, I was still chatting to other women.
Much to my Spurs-supporting, fictional philandering persona’s relief, West-Ham-loving 53-year-old TeaFor2’s ongoing marital malaise meant that I wouldn’t be her first conquest.
Identifying herself as Angie once we’re transferred to Telegram, she echoed Emma and Penny’s modus operandi of seeking security in mutually conscience-free infidelity.
I don’t want any drama, but what I definitely do want is trust and a mutual understanding
Penny
“I’m looking for someone who is married and not separated or divorced, so you should be in a similar position to me,” she said.
“It would be nice living and sharing life with someone.”
Then, after a flurry of flirty messages and banter…we agreed on a lunchtime liaison a few days later. Yes, you guessed it – on Thursday.
The dates were all within London and at different times throughout the day.
Serial philanderer
It was logistically doable, yet the pressure was getting to me.
I never had an affair when I was married, but know plenty of people who have, but as triple date day fast approached my sense of guilt intensified.
Maintaining regular text contact with Emma, Penny and Angie with only the cursory knowledge of my girlfriend, made me feel like a serial philanderer.
Illicit Encounters claims to have had close to 2million genuine UK users since 2004
Conversation had now graduated to , and what we were having for dinner; ironically the very domestic mundanity they all claimed they were trying to escape from.
What I realised was that rather than looking for extra-marital sex every now and again, these women were genuinely seeking an emotional connection.
I got the strong impression that they felt invisible at home; forgotten, shadows of their former selves, their lights dimmed by decades of sleepless nights, school runs and, ‘not tonight love, I’ve got a headache,’ excuses.
What I realised was that rather than looking for extra-marital sex every now and again, these women were genuinely seeking an emotional connection
Nick
The prospect of feeling noticed and being socially and physically sought after made them feel that they weren’t imprisoned in their domestically unfulfilling lives.
Maybe they even hoped that by rekindling their internal flames, their husbands might notice what they were missing.
Unless they were already on Illicit Encounters themselves of course.
Eventually, much to my – and my girlfriend’s relief – I concocted a tenuous triple get-out clause and cancelled all the dates.
I felt guilty that I’d hoodwinked three total strangers into an – albeit fledgling – emotional connection, which was strange given that the very nature of Illicit Encounters means that they’d been doing exactly the same.
They may well have been Emma and Penny and Angie, and they may well have been frustrated and dissatisfied and disconnected from the humdrum tedium of their everyday lives, but they may well have been none of those things.
Who knows.
What I do know is that unless you have a Teflon conscience, affairs – online or otherwise – probably aren’t going to be the answer to your problems.
I felt guilty that I’d hoodwinked three total strangers into an – albeit fledgling – emotional connection, says Nick
- ALL NAMES AND PROFILE NAMES OF THE WOMEN HAVE BEEN CHANGED
