A MOTHER has revealed that she quit gentle parenting and has now become a FAFO mum.
Carla Dillion, 45, from , , has adopted the ‘F**k Around and Find Out’ (FAFO) after her previous stance saw her kids “run all over” her.
A mother has opened up on ditching gentle parenting for the FAFO styleCredit: SWNS
FAFO parenting involves parents allowing children to experience the natural consequences of their actions, rather than interveningCredit: SWNS
Now, Carla believes today’s kids need clear boundaries and consistent consequences to develop into responsible adults.
She’s become a firm believer in the – a trend whereby parents allow children to experience the natural consequences of their actions, rather than intervening.
She recognised that although parents think she is harsh, she believes that if her children do the , they should do the time.
The program analyst lets her kids – son, 13, from a previous , and daughter, seven, with her now-partner of 11 years – learn from their mistakes and the outcomes of their choices.
While many criticise her, Carla acknowledged that she doesn’t lack empathy and recognised that after every punishment, she talks with her kids, reinforces love and prepares them for real-world accountability.
Carla said: “I have . They’re very livewired, rambunctious, and have their spirits and minds.
“They’re not afraid to voice their opinions. I’ve tried , but my kids ran all over me.
“I gave an inch, they took a mile. That’s not instilling values, morals, and respect.”
Carla now practices FAFO parenting by letting her kids face natural consequences.
When her 13-year-old son ignored warnings about using his phone while biking and had a minor accident, she didn’t replace the broken .
She warned him, saying: “I told you not to do that. If you break your phone after I tell you not to do that, you’re not getting a new phone.”
Some people see that type of parenting as not being empathetic, and that’s not it at all
Carla Dillon
In another instance, after he squirted her with a water gun despite being warned – she tossed him into a shallow pond.
She also applies this method to behaviour, refusing to intervene over detentions or suspensions.
Carla believes that her prepares children for real-world accountability, as she added: “If they did the crime, they do the time.”
This mother’s parenting philosophy stems from her upbringing by her father, who she described as having an “old-fashioned, Gen X style” of parenting.
Carla Dillion, 45, clapped back at those who think she is “not being empathetic” with her stanceCredit: SWNS
She wants her children to grow up to be “good, decent humans”Credit: SWNS
Though she sometimes questioned his methods as a child, she now appreciates the lessons about respect, self-sufficiency, and understanding cause and effect.
Carla shared: “With my son, who’s officially a teenager now, I have to say, ‘Okay, you made the mistake. I tried to tell you, you didn’t want to listen, but I let you make the mistake. Now there are consequences for it.’”
But critics often misinterpret her approach as lacking empathy or being too harsh, particularly in public.
Carla recounted scenarios where strangers when correcting her children’s behaviour in shops, or removing them from situations when they’re having tantrums.
She recognised: “Some people see that type of parenting as not being empathetic, and that’s not it at all.
“There’s a lot of empathy involved because you love your child and want them to grow up to be good, decent humans.”
Different parenting styles explained
There are four recognised styles of parenting explained below:
Authoritarian Parenting
What some might describe as “regimental” or “strict” parenting.
Parents with this style focus on strict rules, obedience, and discipline.
Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter.
When it comes to rules, you believe it’s “my way or the highway”.
Permissive Parenting
Often referred to as “soft parenting” or “yes mums/dads”.
Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there’s a serious problem.
They’re quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids”.
Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions.
With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children’s feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
They use positive reinforcement techniques, like praise and reward systems, as opposed to harsh punishments.
Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting
Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
They don’t set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.
Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don’t devote much time or energy to meeting children’s basic needs.
Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it’s not always intentional.
A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child’s physical or emotional needs consistently.
She also believes that consistency is crucial, as she expressed: “If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it.
“I teach them to be a person of their word.
“They can’t grow up thinking they’ll constantly get threatened with consequences and never actually receive them.”
While Carla admitted to having in the past, she said it’s been “a very long time” since she used physical discipline.
It’s always a balance of making sure that you’re still enforcing boundaries, but also remembering they’re still kids who need to know that this is what’s best for them
Carla Dillion
She voiced: “I don’t like doing it. It hurts me.”
What distinguishes Carla’s approach from purely punitive parenting is her commitment to emotional connection following discipline, she claimed.
Carla stressed: “Every single time I punish my kids in any way, whether it’s or something more serious, there’s always a conversation afterwards about why they got in trouble.
“They’ll talk to me about how they feel, and we hug literally every time. I tell them that I love them, and then everybody goes back to normal.”
For Carla, the ultimate goal is raising children who can navigate the world independently while respecting others and themselves.
She said: “It’s always a balance of making sure that you’re still enforcing boundaries, but also remembering they’re still kids who need to know that this is what’s best for them.
“As their , you have to make sure that they learn.”
What distinguishes Carla’s approach from purely punitive parenting is her commitment to emotional connection following disciplineCredit: SWNS
For Carla, the ultimate goal is raising children who can navigate the world independently while respecting others and themselvesCredit: SWNS
Eze Chidiebere Paul
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