"Why I'm Thankful Our PM Stays Composed Like a Sitting Duck – But Starmer Should Take a Page from Trump's Playbook"

KANYE WEST and foie gras may not, on the surface, have much in common.

One is a thick goose filled to the brim with antisemitic views, the other, several geese fattened to bursting by gavage (force feeding).

Keir Starmer could learn an important lesson from the orange madmanCredit: Getty Starmer showed the gulf between he and his special relationship counterpart Donald Trump has never been biggerCredit: AP

Yet these two phenomena are linked by a common enemy: .

Our useless PM has capitulated to both and, in so doing, showed the gulf between he and his special relationship counterpart has never been bigger.

Say what you like about the orange madman, he gets s**t done.

Unlike our sitting duck — or perhaps goose — of a leader, a man seemingly incapable of having his very own thought, let alone making a decision.

Take . What would Trump, for all his exclamation-marked rhetoric, have done when faced with the possibility of a nasty, foreigner coming on to his land and spewing forth his filth?

Battened down the hatches, and banned him, that’s what. Whatever the opposite of a special visa is.

(Although, in his slim defence, West has apologised profusely for his actions, blaming it on a severe mental health episode, and clarifying that he is not, in fact, anti-Jewish).

Instead, Starmer, a Labourite who must still battle to distance himself from predecessor , offered a half-hearted condemnation of booking this summer.

It was “deeply concerning” organisers had booked a rapper who released a song sampling an speech, and previously sold .

That’s a bit like saying was a troubling doctor or is a worrying dictator.

Starmer is the most powerful man in the country (God help us). If he wanted to ban Kanye , he could.

But of course, that wouldn’t be very British.

So now it’s palmed off to Home Secretary to make the decision and block his visa.

Meanwhile, is preparing to drop a manifesto pledge to ban imports of foie gras and fur.

In a move destined to anger animal rights campaigners — and me, and anyone with a heart — Starmer is once again forgoing principles where it suits him.

Allowing this barbaric practice of animal cruelty — geese and ducks are force-fed using a foot-long tube until their poor, bulging livers become diseased with fat — in order to cosy up to Europe, and secure a trade deal.

Unhinged toddler

To paraphrase Groucho Marx, has his principles, and if doesn’t like them, he has others.

Labour, , really is now.

In contrast, Trump, a man stomping and shouting and screaming his way around the world stage, is a global player. Someone we cannot avoid.

An interventionist through and through, no war, no spat, no development is too big or too small for him to wade his size 11s into.

I mean, this is a chap bothering to take the for doctoring his speech on Panorama.

And on Easter Sunday, he issued an expletive-laden threat to Iranian leaders.

“Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran,” he wrote on his Truth Social platform “There will be nothing like it!!!”, he continued, sounding like an unhinged toddler with a potty mouth.

“Open the F***in’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell — JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP.”

It comes as the Trump administration hurtles towards yet another self-imposed deadline this evening for to reopen the .

Now obviously I’m glad Sir Keir doesn’t take to, say, , and let loose.

But for all his buffoonery, when Trump says he’s going to do something, invariably he does it.

If only Starmer would do something.

Look Huw’s killed off the coolness of vapes

Paedo Huw Edwards puffing on a vapeCredit: Splash

HERE, in one photograph, is doing his bit for health campaigners the land over.

Puffing on a vape, an image of latest dirty little habit should be cemented across Lost Mary vapes everywhere.

See, kids? Vaping: Not cool.

JAMIE OUT OF DEPTH

was born in Oxford. Which, as became very apparent, is very, very different from going to Oxford.

On Saturday afternoon, had just one job: Remember the universities competing in the boat race – Oxford and Cambridge – and note which one won. This was too much to ask.

Jamie Laing was born in Oxford. Which, as became very apparent, is VERY very different from GOING TO OxfordCredit: PA Jamie muddled losers Oxford from winners Cambridge in the coverage of the boat raceCredit: Channel 4

Instead, , hired by Channel 4 for its inaugural coverage, contrived to offer his commiserations to the losing crew of the men’s race, Cambridge.

(For anyone who didn’t watch, Cambridge won.)

“Sorry, my mistake. Oxford!” he shouted, redder-of-face than any of the losing, lung-busting athletes.

In a further misstep, one which would see lesser mortals requiring therapy for decades, our intrepid roving reporter was spotted wading knee-deep in the Thames, endeavouring to land an interview with Cambridge’s cox.

“Oh no! It’s in my suit,” he squealed as he trudged through murky waters, presumably regretting his decision to diversify into sports journalism.

Thank God, then, was at the helm.

With her usual impeccable knowledge, research and gravitas, she calmly steered Jamie’s metaphorically wobbling boat back to shore. Bless ’im, he tried.

Fair play to C4, too, for taking a punt on this sporting tradition.

It came, of course, after some idiotic BBC exec decided no one would want to watch 16 tall, posh, clever blokes, and two small shouty coxswains, rowing all-out for 17 minutes.

As if this is a sport too unrelatable for us non-Oxbridge heathens.

Instead, over three million of us did. Proof, once again, that the only ones out of touch now are the BBC.

JK HAS EGG ON FACE

NOW this is where the internet is brilliant.

author turned anti-woke, militant feminist activist, , went viral after posting a selfie with her dog and inadvertently using they/them pronouns to describe her (female) Easter Egg-scoffing West Highland terrier, Bronte.

Harry Potter author turned anti-woke, militant feminist activist, JK Rowling with terrier BronteCredit: X

“Someone found an Easter egg that WASN’T THEIRS. #HappyEaster,” she wrote on X.

“JK ROWLING OUR PROGRESSIVE QUEEN,” quipped one user.

“She doesn’t assume their gender or pronouns because human beings cannot understand animal language, so she’s using a gender-neutral pronoun.”

The post amassed nearly 300,000 likes, surpassing the star’s original post which received only 60k.

For the avoidance of doubt, Bronte is female and her pronouns are she/hers.

Meme of the week

How to tell if an image is AI

Former Prime Minister Boris Johnson making a meal of matters

IT took me way too long.

THE world may be turning to s**t but we must all agree on one thing: This really is the golden age of television.

So, so many incredible shows, so little time.

After bingeing on Disney Plus’s Paradise, a clever post-apocalyptic political thriller, my latest obsession is medical drama The Pitt, on HBO Max.

(Available now for Sky subscribers.)

Billed as a cross between 24 and ER, it follows an A&E unit in Pittsburgh over a 15-hour shift with each nail-biting hour representing 60 minutes of said shift.

With incredibly realistic prosthetics, it’s not one for the squeamish.