FOR Sarah Fletcher, like most of us, Christmas was once a time of excitement, joy and getting ready for the big day with her six kids.
But this year, the 46-year-old can’t face it. Instead, she’s consumed by the agonising memories of last year. Just hours after doing the food shop the family’s lives changed forever when Sarah made a horrifying discovery on Eve night.
Sarah Fletcher, 46, and her husband Shaun were married for 17 yearsCredit: Sarah Fletcher
Shaun with the couple’s son Toby, who’s now 16Credit: Sarah Fletcher
Sarah tells Sun Health: “He [Shaun] seemed happy and normal.
“We did the Christmas food shopping and he was choosing food he wanted and seemed fine and interested.
“He talked about stopping smoking and going to the gym in the New Year. I didn’t have a clue.”
The pair both went to work the following day – Christmas Eve – as normal, before Shaun, 44, called Sarah to say he was going to the pub for a drink with some pals.
That conversation would be the last the couple would have.
The mum woke up later that night to find the bed next to her empty – and the shed light on outside.
It was then that Sarah made the devastating discovery, her husband of 17 years had .
Sarah recalls: “I thought this can’t be happening.
“It didn’t feel real and still doesn’t. It was horrendous.”
The couple met in their twenties through Sarah’s sister, who knew Shaun from growing up and socialising in the same town.
Shaun was hardworking but also a joker and liked to have a laughCredit: Sarah Fletcher
He was renovating the house to make it accessible for TobyCredit: Sarah Fletcher
She gave Shaun Sarah’s number and from there, they were inseparable and married in 2007.
They had six children: Saffron, 27, who has two of her own children, Elise, 26, Poppy, 20, Toby, 16, Freddy, 14, and Betsy, 13.
Sarah says: “[Shaun] was a joker, he liked to have a good laugh and he always seemed happy.
“He was good looking but it was his fun personality I fell for.”
She says she was always laughing when she was with him.
Last December, the “hard-working” builder and dad-of-six was in the midst of carrying out a house renovation.
He was making their family home, in , more accessible for their son Toby, who was born with complex health conditions.
Toby, now 16, was born 13 weeks premature, and has a range of health issues including quadriplegic and .
What makes me feel the most sad is seeing the children hurting and upset.
The children miss their dad. Seeing them so sad makes me sadSarah Fletcher
He relies on tube-feeding and requires 24/7 palliative care. His ground-floor bedroom was left unusable, which meant Sarah had to carry him upstairs every night.
Shaun worked long hours, seven days a week, to provide for his six children and two grandchildren.
Sarah says he often struggled to get the work-life balance right.
He was renovating the family home in his spare time, building a wet room and downstairs bedroom, and Sarah says he “was under a lot of pressure” and “working a lot”.
She admits there were no real signs of the mental struggles he faced.
Agonising discovery
IT was on December 23 last year that the couple went shopping together. At the time Sarah didn’t suspect anything was wrong with her husband.
The next day, on Christmas Eve, Sarah spent her evening caring for Toby, sorting his medications, getting him ready for bed, and putting his feed on – thinking Shaun was at the pub with pals.
She sorted through all the presents and went to bed at around 11pm.
But around an hour later she woke, wondering where Shaun was.
She tried to call him first, but there was no response.
How to get help
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net , 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk , 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org , 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org , 116 123
Seeing the shed light was on outside, she was drawn to go and check it.
It was then that she made the horrifying discovery that Shaun had taken his own life.
Paramedics arrived as well as police, who kept watch over Shaun’s body until forensics arrived. Nobody was allowed to see him and his body could not be moved.
The children were awoken by all the commotion and were spoken to by the paramedics.
Christmas Day passed in a blur, and Sarah doesn’t recall much from those first few days.
Shaun’s family joined her, and while her youngest children opened their presents, the rest of the family sat around in shock.
“I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t even sip water,” says Sarah.
Painful memories
FACING the first Christmas since Shaun’s death, Sarah says: “I am dreading all of it – we have no expectations, we will be just getting through it.
“I dread the whole of December as Christmas is so in your face.
“I would rather December not happen.
“I am not going to decorate the house this year, it doesn’t feel right with it being the first anniversary,” she adds.
“What makes me feel the most sad is seeing the children hurting and upset.
“The children miss their dad. Seeing them so sad makes me sad.”
Sarah with TobyCredit: Sarah Fletcher
The mum has relied on the support of friends and family to get through the last yearCredit: Sarah Fletcher
The past year has been undeniably difficult for the mum of six.
Sarah says: “Some days I want to stay in bed, but I have to get up for the children – I have to carry on for them, especially for Toby.
“I haven’t really got a choice, I keep myself busy and have tried to find a new routine.
“I am training to be a hairdresser – I need a focus in my life.
“The night times can be and the night times can be long.
“Shaun’s family come over every week and say they are only a phone call away.
“I have leaned into their support and I have really good friends who are also checking up on us.”
‘Keep talking’
WHEN Shaun died the National Construction Charity Band of Builders stepped in to help finish the renovation work Shaun started.
Over 150 tradespeople from across the UK united to complete the emotional project.
In just 12 short days, the volunteers managed to completely transform the entire house, with a brand new bedroom for Toby, accessible bathrooms, plumbing and electrics completion and full landscaping of the front and back gardens.
Sarah says: “There were lots of unfinished rooms and the work had been going on for years.
“The support they gave us was amazing.
Mental health and Christmas
Christmas can be joy-filled and jolly, but it can also put extra pressure on our mental health.
Here are some ways to look after yourself:
- Be gentle and patient with yourself. It might help to think about what’s best for your wellbeing during Christmas, and prioritise what you need.
- Remind yourself that it won’t last forever. You could set a ‘start’ and ‘finish’ time for what you count as Christmas.
- Set your boundaries. Try to say no to things that aren’t helpful for you.
- Let yourself experience your own feelings. Even if they don’t match what’s going on around you, they’re still valid. For example, if you don’t feel like celebrating Christmas when everyone else does.
- Take time out. Do something to forget that it’s Christmas or distract yourself. For example, you could watch a film or read a book that’s set in the summer. Or you could try learning a new skill.
- Let yourself have the things you need. For example, if you need to take a break instead of doing an activity, or need a little bit of quiet time.
If you’re struggling this Christmas, you may want to find support for your mental health. There are a few ways that you can do this:
- Call Samaritans on 116 123 (freephone). Their English language line is always open. They have a Welsh language line too, which is open daily from 7pm to 11pm.
- Text SHOUT to 85258 . This is a free 24/7 crisis text service run by Shout .
- Visit this useful contacts page for a list of organisations who can support your mental health or help with practical problems.
Source: Mind
“It took the pressure off and helped as I was carrying Toby up and down the stairs, but couldn’t continue that. It has been a massive help.”
Sarah says Shaun had suffered from suicidal thoughts about three years previously, but says it was “a short blip – he did not want professional help”.
“He didn’t discuss it anymore – he seemed OK and generally happier,” she says.
For anyone who fears their loved one may be suicidal or feels that way themselves, she says: “Keep talking”.
“Remember Christmas isn’t always a happy time for everybody. I think there are a lot of expectations around Christmas but not everybody is happy,” she adds.
Band of Builders completed the renovations Shaun had startedCredit: Sarah Fletcher
‘The support they gave us was amazing,’ Sarah saysCredit: Sarah Fletcher
Eze Chidiebere Paul
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