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Chrissy Teigen Is Back On Twitter After 22 Days Of Deafening Silence

Rejoice! Our long dark national nightmare is over. Chrissy Teigen is back on Twitter. If you logged on today and said “hey, I don’t know what it is but things just seem a little spicier in here today,” that’s Chrissy! After a grueling 22 days of nothing but overcooked gristly Twitter beef and bland unseasoned jive turkeys, here comes Chrissy back to squirt some sriracha on your oatmeal when you’re not looking! After dramatically quitting Twitter in a series of tweets last month (Hey, I don’t make the rules, read your bylaws. No user shall divest themselves of Twitter without prior written thread detailing Twitter’s failings and complaining about the toxic environment you yourself helped to foster— p. 4876540 sec 138.69), Chrissy, with 11.7 million followers still intact, rose like a phoenix from the ashes to say she’ll silence herself no more!

Here’s the urgent and exciting first tweet of the rest of your life:

If there was ever a reason to get up from wherever your sitting and go out to get the biggest subwoofer you can find, hook it up and place it where it will make the biggest impact, preferably in an open window facing your crankiest neighbor, then cue up The Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah and blast that shit till the wheels fall off, this is it. Come on guys, I can’t hear you. As a wise woman once said — LET’S GET LOUD!

In her contractually obligated flounce tweet, Chrissy said her goal in life was to make people happy and lamented that “the pain I feel when I don’t” was too much to bear. It was with that sense of nobility, that she had to bid farewell to her beloved community and her followers who had become her “actual friends.” The previous time Chrissy quit Twitter she only lasted one day without her friends so the fact that she held out for three whole weeks this time can only mean one thing. Extreme boredom. Which is CRAZY for a lady as rich as Chrissy. Most of us who are extremely online only do it because something probably needs cleaning and we’re the one who has to do it. What’s she avoiding doing? Go count your shoes or something, lady!

Even crazier, according to her Instagram page, she is currently on an exclusive luxury island vacation with her adorable husband and kids! Surely there are grains of sand she could be counting.

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A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen)

Oh well, you know what they say — “There are no friends like Twitter friends. They’re better than family!” No really, they say that. It’s in the bylaws!


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