HOW well do you really know your partner – in and out of the bedroom?
We all like to think we’ve got them sussed – what makes them tick, what turns them on, what turns them off. But sometimes they can still surprise us – and not always in a good way.
I was reminded of this after hearing from a reader whose long-term girlfriend pulled a move in bed that really shocked him.
I’m The Sun’s Sexpert, and in my no-holds-barred sex series this week, I reveal how to have great sex with your partner – no matter how long you’ve been together.
Q. I’ve been with my girlfriend for five years, and we’ve always fantasised about having a threesome.
We decided to go for it with another woman, choosing someone together on an app.
After scrolling through countless profiles, we found exactly what we were looking for – a gorgeous brunette with blue eyes.
We set boundaries and agreed on a safe word to make sure the night went smoothly. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
In all the years we’ve been together, I’ve never been able to give my girlfriend an orgasm through oral sex.
She can climax with a vibrator , but never with me.
Then, when this woman went down on her, she climaxed almost instantly. I was stunned.
Afterwards, I asked my girlfriend why she’s never had that reaction with me.
She told me women might be better at it because they know exactly what to do.
So now I’m wondering – is there a technique I can learn to give her that same level of pleasure?
Georgie says:
“It sounds like you did everything right before diving into a ménage à trois – but threesomes are never as simple as 1, 2, 3.
Even if you’ve talked through every possible scenario – jealousy, boundaries, safe words, locations, rules of engagement – things can still go awry on the night.
A threesome is like sailing into uncharted waters: exciting, unpredictable, and with the potential for a few unexpected waves.
After all, you’re inviting a stranger into your bedroom – and that stranger is going to be packing a totally different, ahem, tool kit.
This means that no matter how well you prepare, there are always going to be surprises.
In your case, it sounds like it was a very pleasant surprise for your girlfriend – but her pleasure may have come with a side of bruised ego for you.
No matter how well you prepare, there are always going to be surprises when it comes to having a threesome
Georgie Culley, Sun Sexpert
While it might sting that you haven’t lit her up in the same way as the other woman, this doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause.
Instead of feeling threatened by her skill set, focus on sharpening your own.
With a few of my tried-and-tested tips and bedroom hacks, you can take your partner to heights she’s never reached with you before – and ensure you’re the one putting that smile on her face next time.
Communicate to accumulate
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – communication is the key to great sex.
Take responsibility for your own orgasms. Unless your partner is Mystic Meg with a crystal ball, they have no idea what you like in the bedroom unless you tell them.
Unless your partner is Mystic Meg they have no idea what you like in bed unless you tell them
Georgie Culley, Sun Sexpert
Be vocal about your likes and dislikes to make sure you’re getting the pleasure you deserve.
In the moment, if something feels amazing, say so. Nothing is a bigger turn-on for the giver than hearing encouraging cues from the receiving partner.
Try the ‘lollipop’ technique
This tried-and-true technique works wonders for most women. As the name suggests, imagine licking around and over the clitoris in soft, steady strokes – like enjoying your favourite lollipop.
Avoid flashy tongue acrobatics – consistency is key.
Don’t jab or constantly change the tempo – stick to this motion to hit her sweet spot.
Pay attention to cues
Some women feel self-conscious about speaking up in the bedroom, so if she’s quiet, watch for her cues.
Is her heart racing? Are her hands gripping the sheets or her hips moving toward you?
If so, you’re hitting the right spot.
Enjoy the ride
The worst thing you can do is keep asking her: “Are you there yet?”
It only adds pressure and does the opposite of helping. Women – like men – want to know you’re enjoying yourself.
Even if your technique isn’t perfect, showing that you’re loving it will help her relax and increase her chances of reaching orgasm.
So put the stopwatch away and enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
Drink up
Did you know that dehydration is one of the biggest mood killers in the bedroom and can actually inhibit orgasm?
For women, dehydration can reduce natural lubrication and make it harder to reach climax – during oral and penetrative sex .
In men, dehydration can wreak havoc down below and cause erectile dysfunction.
In fact, those who stay hydrated during sex rate their love life higher compared to those who are parched, according to research from Lovehoney.
So, here’s your reminder, especially given the current heatwave : before you reach for the lube, grab a glass of water, too.
Your body — and your bedroom performance — will thank you.
