THEY say that a sailor has a girl in every port. The same could be said for many pilots and cabin crew members – we’ll either have sex with each other or one of the plane passengers that takes our fancy at every lay over!
I know one who would consider the flight a failure if she hadn’t managed to pull a sexy man.
At the beginning of the flight she’d write her number on the serviettes that we hand out with drinks for her first choice.
And then if he didn’t respond favourably with a smile she’d move on to the next ones, challenging herself to find different ways of giving out her number – from writing it on his cup with a sharpie to match the colour of his drink so it was only visible when he’d finished it, or on the label of the water bottle.
She was friends with the check in girls, who’d often give her a heads up on any gorgeous men on the flight so she’d know where they were sitting and make sure she was looking after that section of the plane.
As an aside, always be nice to the check in girls – they warn us if you’re obnoxious too.
She has an amazing strike rate, but then again she’s very attractive – it would take a monk to turn her down.
I do it occasionally too but only if I really fancy a man on the flight – I’ve probably since I started seven years ago.
But one took it even further. She spotted a passenger and ended up in the toilet with him joining the – something we’d never normally do as we know how filthy they can get!
They hooked up on landing too and nine months later she gave birth to their baby. They now live happily together in America.
There was a hostess though who didn’t have such a good experience.
She once flirted outrageously with a passenger and hooked up with him, expecting it to be a one off. But he started stalking her, hanging out at the airport all the time – she ended up having to call the
police.
Though we generally avoid , there is some action in the cockpit, I know of one who gave the captain oral sex in there.
And of course, passengers are always getting it on and aiming for the Mile High Club.
However discreet they are we can always tell what’s going on, the blankets come out, cover both the passengers’ laps and then the hands go underneath – it isn’t exactly subtle, especially to the experienced eye.
As long as no one else is near them I don’t tend to do anything, though sometimes it makes me laugh to go and offer them a drink mid action and watch their flustered faces.
DOING THE DEED
You hear some great excuses when couples come out of the toilet together, clearly having done the deed in there.
My favourite one was when the man claimed to have
such bad arthritis in his hands that he couldn’t undo his own trousers..... no way!
Most of us really let our hair down once we’ve landed – we start drinking on the crew bus back to the hotel, and when we arrive it’s all go.
A lot of the pilots are married but honestly, I’ve never known a faithful one. I’ve had flings with five attached pilots – it’s the reason why I’d never marry one myself.
You hear some great excuses when couples come out of the toilet together, clearly having done the deed it there.
The we stay in are ones and mostly have swimming pools and hot tubs, so the action starts there.
Later on there’s often group sex – usually it’s a one off, but there are
two married pilots and two air hostesses who usually end up together if they’re on the same rota.
But there’s no jealousy – if one of them is missing then the others are absolutely free to invite someone else to join them or they carry on as a threesome.
LET OFF STEAM
By the end of the lay over most of us are partied out and very hungover.
Previously we’ve used passenger oxygen to help us get over it, but more recently I’ve discovered rehydration drips.
A friend works for a company who sells them, and she showed me how to use them and lets me have some.
The work is hard, it’s long hours so we need to let off steam. I’m lucky in that I don’t get jet lag – I advise everyone to follow my ‘no nap’ rule.
Whatever time you land you stay awake until bed time and then you’re straight back on track.
And the other advice I can give to get a good flight is to try for an upgrade.
If I’m ever presented with a box of chocolates or some sweets as a passenger boards, I will do my best to find a seat in class......
