A Peek Inside the UK Family Spot's Wild Swingers' Night: Condoms, Steamy Kisses, and Men Boasting of 500 Conquests!

“I’LL tie you up later, don’t be nervous,” a woman in her 40s in a bright red slinky dress proposes with a wink.

The lights are dimmed and there’s an air of excitement I haven’t felt before in the room.

Ordinary married couples trade their vanilla home lives for wild romps at a free sex social in Bournemouth Credit: Olivia West Organisers Bex Mannell, 44, and her husband Paul, 46, opened up their relationship 25 years ago and started hosting events in 2022 Credit: Supplied

The scene unfolding in front of me is a far cry from my usual Wednesday night watching on TV.

But tonight I am attending Untamed Nights, a free swingers’ social held in Canvas, usually a popular haunt for nights, just a short stroll away from seafront.

On arrival, I contemplate asking for a on the beach, which is my favourite fruity cocktail, but I’m too nervous in case it’s taken as an invitation, so I plump for sparkling water instead.

It’s only 8pm but the atmosphere in the room is already heating up.

As guests arrive most seem to know one another and go straight in for lingering kisses. There’s plenty of bottom touching too.

I spend the first ten minutes trying to guess which couples have slept together before tonight.

As a married 53-year-old working mum of two teenage boys, I’m usually too knackered to venture to my local pub in West with my husband Brian, 54, let alone get dressed up to mingle with sex-seeking strangers.

However, non-monogamy is on the rise. In the UK, up to two million people now engage in non-traditional . Couples in their 40s and 50s make up 40 per cent of those who enjoy the lifestyle.

While I’ve been to sex parties before in the name of research and witnessed some extraordinary sights – like when I saw ten people enjoying an orgy – I’ve never understood how ordinary, married couples like me transition from a vanilla sex life to something more high octane.

An Untamed Nights event gives people a chance to discover more about non-monogamy and meet others who are already fully fledged swingers.

Brian was less intrigued than me. “Each to their own”, he shrugged when I revealed my Wednesday night ‘assignment’.

Organisers Bex Mannell, 44, a travel agent by day and swinger by night, and her husband Paul, 46, who works in car park management, opened up their relationship 25 years ago and started hosting events in 2022.

Full-on are usually their thing, but they also offer a weekly social like the one I’m at tonight.

Paul and Bex ration tickets, which are free, for single men so there’s a balanced mix of both sexes and they limit numbers to a maximum of 100. Around 30 show up tonight.

I was anything but relaxed when I reached the big red door, anxious about what the night had in store.

The event attracts people of all ages, sizes and professions, from electricians to lawyers.

Writer Mel Fallowfield reveals she was anxious about what the night had in store as she reached the big red door Credit: Olivia West Alice, above in red at the sex social, says swinging is ‘in her blood’ as she’s the third generation of her family to join the lifestyle Credit: Olivia West

One partner is plenty for me, but tonight I keep an open mind as Paul and Bex show me around.

Upstairs there’s a room kitted out as a play room – the term swingers use for rooms dedicated to sex – with a bed which has a wipe clean mattress.

There’s a bowl of condoms beside it, just in case flirting and snogging progresses to more, because as Bex puts it: “You never know what might happen. If people want to take it further, they can.”

The playroom is a recent addition, put there to keep the bar area as a place to socialise so the newbies feel comfortable.

Oliver, 31, and Vicki, 26, had only met in person that same afternoon after recently matching on dating app For The Open Minded Credit: Olivia West Vicki, above with Oliver and Mel, says she thought the sex event would be the perfect first date as he has been into ethical non-monogamy for the past six years Credit: Olivia West

I already feel miles out of my comfort zone. I take a breather on the sofa.

It’s there I meet Alex, 55 and retired. He hasn’t had a relationship for years and certainly would never contemplate another monogamous one. He got into swinging ten years ago.

“Sex parties are great, but often you don’t really get to know people,” he says. “It’s very much geared to the action, but I like to just sit and chat sometimes without wondering where or when I’m going to get lucky.”

Within 30 minutes of arriving, the bar fills up and I leave Alex to explore. I find Alice, 40, with what looks like a bag of thick tangled wool.

The free swingers’ social, Untamed Nights, was held in Canvas, usually a popular haunt for comedy nights Credit: Olivia West There are even different coloured ropes and writer Mel is asked whether she’d like to be tied up Credit: Olivia West

They are in fact ropes and she’s separating them by colour. My anxiety levels soar when she suggests she could tie me up – I’m not sure whether she’s joking or not – but she assures me she’s an expert and I’ll enjoy it.

She’s been swinging for two years after splitting up with her husband of 12 years.

“I was rebelling by being monogamous,” she says. “I have six regular lovers as well as one offs.”

Alice says it’s “in her blood” as she’s the third generation of her family to join the lifestyle. I can’t even remember finding out about it, but we’d stay with my granny while they hosted parties when I was younger,” she says.

She’s even been to the same event as her father, though she assures me they would never do anything in the same room.

“These socials are great for meeting new people, there’s no reason to be nervous,” she reassures me.

Soon she’s distracted by a couple across the room buying drinks at the bar and says ‘hello’ before going in for lingering snogs to both the husband and wife. I notice that lots of people do the same, and many of the women there are bisexual, though the men don’t seem as fluid.

The vibe is laid back and welcoming, guests are chatting and sipping their drinks.

Anything goes here, from jeans and T-shirts to lacy corsets, but I don’t feel out of place in a Ghost dress either.

By 9pm there’s around 30 people in the bar, and among them are Vicki, 26, and Oliver, 31. I initially assumed they were a couple, but tell me they’d only met in person that afternoon after matching on a app, For The Open Minded, a month ago.

Vicki, who works in data for a tech company and is a regular at the socials, thought it would be the perfect first date as student Oliver has been into ethical non-monogamy for the past six years and has around 15 regular partners.

“I don’t think humans are designed to have one partner for their whole life,” he tells me. “And I just really love sex – I must have slept with over 500 women. All my partners know they’re not the only ones, if you’re honest and don’t lead anyone on, I don’t see the problem.”

Meanwhile Vicki shows me her phone where there’s a list of her 120 conquests, annotated with comments to remind her who to revisit, and who to avoid. There’s “military, best f* of my life” and “Ginger northern ba*rd”.

I can’t help but wonder whether Oliver will join the list and what his title will be.

Next I chat to 45-year-old Matt, who is single. He works at the local hospital as a porter and admits he’s come in a bid to find a date.

“I’ve tried everything from clubbing to – that was a disaster and I asked for my back,” he grumbles.

But even this doesn’t seem to be his thing and he leaves having barely chatted to anyone.

Except for snogging and a bit of above the clothes groping, including boob squeezing and patting, there is nothing explicit happening here.

The swinging community has a very strict ethos about never over-stepping boundaries and asking for consent before even the lightest touch is exchanged.

Couples tend to have their own rules too – for example some agree to only play together and for some the man is only allowed to watch and not partake.

While I steered clear of the play room, I saw some of the guests head there, and leave with a smile.

With an hour to go, and after contemplating Alice’s request for role rope play, I think back to my mother’s words, “you should try everything once, except line dancing and incest,” so I agree.

Alice winds the ropes around my body, it’s a strange sensation, and while I laugh politely, I feel out of place and self conscious. And I’m fully clothed. But no one else in the bar bats an eyelid.

While I can see the value in these evenings for those wanting to explore the world of non-monogamy, I’ve decided this scene isn’t for me.

I’ll stick to my sofa, my long-suffering husband, and chill.