KELSEY Parker was suffering a pain no mother should ever have to endure following the heartbreaking stillbirth of her baby son, Phoenix.
But the loss, just three years after the tragic death of her late husband, ’s , was compounded by the vilest trolling a could ever face – and one incomprehensibly sick comment still sticks in her mind today.
Kelsey Parker opens up on the sick comments and trolling she received following the heartbreaking stillbirth of her baby son, Phoenix
Just three years ago, Kelsey lost her late husband, The Wanted’s Tom Parker
A pregnant Kelsey shows off her bump in red bikini with new partner Will Lindsay, 28
Motivated by her romance with new partner , 28, trolls took aim at Kelsey in June after .
“There were comments like ‘karma’… I mean, that just shocks me,” she says, still visibly shaken.
“Someone else said I deserved for my . How can anyone think someone deserves to ? That’s what they were insinuating – that I deserved this pain, this loss.
“Someone also compared Phoenix to a cat they had lost, as if to them losing a cat didn’t mean anything and was insignificant – it’s just so disrespectful.”
While of course nothing could make Kelsey’s grief any harder, one particular message cut especially deep, adding an even heavier weight to her heartache.
“One person wrote, ‘He wasn’t much of a Phoenix – he didn’t rise from the ashes.’ It was sickening. For me, it was just absolutely heartbreaking to see that and about a baby that didn’t even make it into the world. I felt I couldn’t protect him.”
Kelsey, 35, says she also felt guilty that she couldn’t shield those close to her from the abuse she was receiving.
“It’s the ripple effect,” she explains.
“This doesn’t just affect me. It affects my mum, my children, my partner – who didn’t ask for any of this – and his family. It affects Tom’s family too. People forget that.”
Kelsey reveals she chose the name Phoenix as a symbol of strength and resilience, and a way of remembering what her and her family had been through. The much-wanted baby was to bring hope after their tragic loss.
“I felt that after everything I went through with Tom and this was going to be a moment where I was maybe going to be happy again, but obviously, it’s not worked out that way,” Kelsey says.
“I thought with Phoenix, I was going to rise from the ashes. That’s what the name meant. But that’s not what happened.”
Kelsey’s had been textbook. She was enjoying the experience of being – she is also mum to Aurelia, six, and Bodhi, four – and with her by her side, was excitedly preparing for their baby boy’s arrival.
But even then, Kelsey found herself holding back on , admitting she took a “step back” from sharing her pregnancy publicly because of the fear of judgement – something she now regrets.
‘So much hate’
“I have had so much hate that I just couldn’t bear the comments I knew I would get, so I didn’t post that much. I do massively regret that now,” she says, her voice breaking slightly.
“I wish I hadn’t given in. Don’t get me wrong there’s so much love and support that I receive, and those people are always there for me.
“But it’s like when you go on a night out, and you wear a dress, and 20 people tell you that you look amazing, but one person says it’s the wrong colour on you.
Kelsey announced that her little boy had been ‘born sleeping,’ on June 21
Kelsey, above with her kids and partner Will, felt guilty that she couldn’t shield those close to her from the abuse
Motivated by her romance with Will, trolls took aim at Kelsey in June after the tragic loss at 39 weeks
“And that one comment sticks. You can’t help it, but it does. They have got into your head.
“When I was carrying Phoenix, I really wanted to be in a positive mindset. To be thankful for having another baby and not let that negativity and outside noise in.”
When Kelsey took to social media to announce that her on June 21, she was plunged into a grief unlike anything she had ever known.
Her mind was reeling from the trauma and her hormones were surging, but with no baby to hold, she says this grief was something entirely different to anything she had experienced before.
When I was carrying Phoenix, I really wanted to be in a positive mindset. To be thankful for having another baby and not let that negativity and outside noise in
“It’s another painful grief,” Kelsey says.
“But losing Tom and losing Phoenix, they’re completely different kinds of loss.
“With Tom, we’d been together for 13 years. He was my best friend in the whole world. We had memories, a life, a history. With Phoenix, I carried him for nine months.
“I imagined our future together. I pictured all the things we would do together as a family. It was the hope. But I never got to hold him alive.
‘One person wrote, ‘He wasn’t much of a Phoenix – he didn’t rise from the ashes.’ It was sickening,’ says the shaken mum
Losing Tom and losing Phoenix, they’re completely different kinds of loss, she says
“With Tom, I had him, I held him, we had a life. With Phoenix… it’s the grief of what could have been. I didn’t get the life we were planning. It’s a different kind of heartbreak, but all .”
This time, though, Kelsey wasn’t completely alone in her grief. She had Will by her side – and she says he was the one who kept her grounded through her darkest days and during the storm of vile comments on social media.
“With Tom, I felt so alone,” she explains.
“Of course I had my family, I had Tom’s family, our friends… but I was grieving my husband, and no one else was feeling that exact same grief.
‘Dream is still alive’
“With Phoenix, Will and I were sharing it. We’d both lost our child. We were feeling the same pain. And I’m so grateful we had each other because without Will, I honestly would have been lost.”
Despite everything she’s been through, it is clear Kelsey is determined to stay strong. Through the unimaginable heartbreak, she still holds onto hope that one day she can continue to grow her family.
“I’ve always said I wanted four children,” she says.
“And maybe I still will. Phoenix will always be my child, he will always be a part of me, part of our family.
“So yes, I’m open to having more children when the time feels right. That dream is still alive. And also for the kids. They wanted Phoenix so badly.
“They were over the moon when they found out we were having a baby. I still want to give them another brother or sister. I still want that fourth child.”
But even with that hope, there’s a slight hesitation – because the trolls still continue to cast a small shadow on her life.
‘I’ve always said I wanted four children,’ says Kelsey as she still hopes to one day expand her family
Kelsey is now focused on helping her family heal from another grief and plans to answer her children’s questions, no matter how hard
“I can’t put a time on it, but no time will ever feel ‘right’,” she admits.
“I’m not getting any younger, but if I was to have another baby soon, I know I’ll be judged.
“People will say ‘it’s too soon’ after Phoenix, that I am moving on, I haven’t grieved for him. And it will all start again.”
For now, Kelsey is focused on one thing – rebuilding her family’s broken hearts and helping them heal from another grief.
Much of that, she says, comes in the form of questions from her eldest daughter. But Kelsey welcomes them, no matter how hard they might be for her to answer.
“Aurelia is always asking, ‘Why? Why isn’t Phoenix here?’” she says. “And the answers I was giving her weren’t the ones she wanted.
With Tom, I had him, I held him, we had a life. With Phoenix… it’s the grief of what could have been
“She was looking for a reason, for something that made sense – but sometimes, there just isn’t a reason. And that’s what I told her.
“Bodhi’s is different. As long as I’m okay, he’s okay. He looks at me and thinks, ‘My mum looks alright, that’s all I need to know.’
“Whereas Aurelia needs an answer. She needs to understand why. And the hardest part is… sometimes, there just isn’t one.”
Even though there’s no explanation for her son’s tragic death, Kelsey knows Phoenix will always hold a place in her heart.
Throughout our interview, Kelsey thumbs a gold chain which hangs from her neck – on it is a tiny phoenix, a gift from her closest friends in the days after her loss.
She plans to honour Phoenix in the same peaceful place where she remembers Tom – a secret spot in where a bench bearing Tom’s name overlooks the countryside.
“We’ve just received a plaque we had made for Phoenix,” she says.
“We’re going to take it and place it on Tom’s bench. It will be a place where we will now remember both of them.
“Someone said to me that Tom is now looking after Will’s son in heaven, because Will is looking after Tom’s children here on earth. And to me, that’s such a beautiful way to think of it. And I really do believe Tom is looking after Phoenix for us.”
With Phoenix… it’s the grief of what could have been, she adds 
