DO you ever wish your kids weren’t as naughty as they are?
A child psychologist has revealed there are five phrases parents should avoid saying if they want
Parenting coach Reem Raouda discovered that interacting with by using threats or telling them consequences isn’t helpful.
She found five phrases which “instantly make kids not want to listen”; and trigger a fight-or-flight response from them...
1. “BECAUSE I SAID SO”;
The first thing you should never say is “because I said so”; as Reem advised it shuts down communication and teaches your kids “blind obedience.”;
Instead, you should say “I know you don’t like this decision. I’ll explain, and then we’re moving forward.”;
She explained that by using this different approach and explaining your reasoning, your child feels more respected and you are acknowledging their feelings.
You are also avoiding debating and negotiating, but reinforcing you are in charge in a “calm and grounded way.”;
2. “IF YOU DON’T LISTEN, YOU’LL LOSE X”;
The next thing you should avoid saying is “If you don’t listen, you’ll lose [X privilege].”;
Instead, Reem suggested that you tell them: “When you’re ready to do [X specific behavior], we can do [X desired activity].”;
She explained that threats can force kids into a defensive state.
Reem said that her alternative phrase removes the struggle but still keeps your boundaries firm, and gives kids agency over when they do it.
3. “STOP CRYING, YOU’RE FINE.”;
The child psychologist also suggested you stop saying to your kids: “Stop crying. You’re fine.”;
She said you should instead say: “I see you’re really upset. Tell me what’s happening.”;
Reem said that you shouldn’t as it can teach them that their feelings are “wrong”; or “too much”; for some people to handle.
She said that “emotional invalidation leads to disconnection”; and when kids feel disconnected they are not likely to behave.
The psychologist advised helping your child to feel heard, as they will calm down more quickly and it’ll lead to trust being built.
4. “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?”;
Instead of telling kids that they’ve been told multiple times to do something, she advised that you instead reframe it as “I’ve asked about this a few times, help me understand what’s making this hard for you.”;
Reem said that when you are frustrated this can lead to kids being “intentionally difficult.”;
However, her suggested response invites “problem-solving instead of blame”; and helps to get to the “root of the issue”; more quickly.
5. “YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT”;
Finally, you should avoid saying “you know better than that”; if you can, and should ask them “Something’s getting in the way of your best self right now. Let’s talk about it.”;
She said “you know better”; can lead to a child feeling shamed.
However, the second phrase shifts the tone from punishment to partnership.
Overall, Reem advised kids are much more likely to want to behave if they feel emotionally safe and respected.
She added that any defiance can be seen as a “call for connection”; or emotional support, and parents should respond with empathy and leadership, instead of control.
