"My Boyfriend Held Me Captive: Controlling My Meals, My Bathroom Breaks, and Even My Sleep Rituals"

COVERING my head with my arms as the punches rained down, I begged my partner John Preston to stop. But he was in a rage that I recognised only too well.

Throwing me on to the bed, he locked his arm around my throat and squeezed. I kicked out as hard as I could and, for a moment, his grip loosened – but then things took a horror turn.

Nicky McLafferty, 42, reveals how her relationship to her first love turned into a living nightmareCredit: http://www.edwardmoss.co.uk John abused Nicky for years while they were together John stopped Nicky from working and controlled their financesCredit: http://www.edwardmoss.co.uk

Before I could scramble away, he looped a dressing-gown cord around my neck and pulled it tight.

Through a haze of terror, I suddenly remembered how happy John and I had once been and, as everything began to go dark, I wondered how we had got here.

I’d been only 15 when we met through family. Three years older than me, John seemed so much more worldly. I’d had a difficult upbringing, and he offered the love and stability I craved.

I only owned a couple of outfits, so John bought me clothes, make-up and jewellery. He treated me to dinner in fancy restaurants and, for the first time, I felt special and loved.

John had a good job, spraying cars at a nearby factory, and every penny he earned was for us both. After I left school, he got me a job working with him and said he wanted us to be together all the time.

On my 16th birthday, he proposed with a beautiful diamond ring and I couldn’t wait for us to get .

Our was intense, though, and turbulent, with John sometimes pushing me when we argued about his jealousy over other men. Infatuated, I told myself he’d grow out of it.

We moved in together when I was 18. Shortly afterwards, he punched me in the face, because he wrongly thought I’d been unfaithful.

After it happened, he apologised and promised he’d change, and I felt like I had no choice but to believe him. I loved him, but I was also trapped. With nowhere else to go, I stayed.

As the months went on, John stopped me from working. While he was at the factory, I wasn’t allowed out of the bedroom other than to use the bathroom. I wasn’t even allowed on the bed, in case I creased the sheets, and had to sit on the floor for eight hours.

Family and friends suspected something was wrong, but I insisted everything was fine. It wasn’t just that I was afraid of John – I felt like I owed him for making me feel so loved when we first met.

He’d also made me believe I’d be unable to cope without him, so I was too scared to try.

If I disobeyed him, . Once, he discovered I’d snuck out to McDonald’s with my mum and sister, and he was so furious, he beat me up. Afterwards, he locked me in the flat whenever he went out.

My days were spent worrying and trying to placate him, which was impossible.

‘Degrading and dehumanising’

Aged 26, I became . I was worried about the violence, but I also hoped John might change once our baby arrived. He didn’t.

Two years later, we had a second child. I adored my babies, but John just got worse. He started doing all our housework and shopping and controlled our finances.

The mum reveals she wasn’t allowed out of the bedroom other than to use the bathroom

He didn’t let me use a phone or computer, and dictated what I ate and when. I also had to ask permission to use the bathroom, and had to leave the door open any time I had a bath.

The stress was so intense that I lost 3st, becoming painfully thin at just 7st. Any time he went out, he’d slide a slip of paper in the fridge and food cupboard, so he’d know if they’d been opened.

I had to be in bed by 10pm, and it was my job to tickle John gently until he fell asleep. Sometimes, he’d even wake me at 3am so I could tickle him back to sleep.

As the children grew older, he allowed me to do the school run. But John timed each trip, and I’d drop the kids off then sprint home, where he would subject me to an intimate “inspection” to see if I’d been with anybody else. It was so degrading and dehumanising, I felt like I didn’t even own my body.

He was so convinced it was my fault he’d attacked me that I believed it, too

Over the years, I tried to leave John several times, but he always manipulated me into going back. Our neighbours called the , but I never pursued the complaints. I was brainwashed, completely reliant on John and cut off from all forms of support.

Then, in May 2022, he spotted a text message from one of his male friends, who was checking in on me because he was so worried. That’s when he tried to strangle me.

When I came to after the third strangulation, I heard him coldly wonder aloud if I was dead. To check, he kicked at my ribs. I didn’t react, believing my only chance of survival was to play dead.

‘Grow in confidence’

Eventually, he realised I was alive, and then made me sleep on the floor, naked and without a blanket, as punishment. He was so convinced it was my fault he’d attacked me that I believed it, too.

I thought about calling the police, but I just didn’t have the strength, so I tried to push it out of my mind and focus on the kids.

Months went by and John’s behaviour continued – the abuse, coercion and control. Feeling completely hopeless, I thought we would just go on like that forever – until January 2024, when John fell ill and had to go into hospital for an extended stay.

Nicky managed to escape when John fell ill and had to go into hospital, and she moved to a refuge in secret with the children John was jailed for three years and four months in 2025 after pleading guilty to engaging in controlling and coercive behaviour

Without him there, for the first time in more than two decades, I suddenly felt myself grow stronger.

I reconnected with friends and confided in them and a teacher I saw at the school gate. Horrified, they all told me I had to leave, and that April I went to the police.

The children, then 14 and 12, and I were moved to a refuge in secret, which was bewildering. I had never been responsible for myself and didn’t know how to do basic tasks.

The women in the refuge were so kind and showed me how to cook, send emails and how to run a home, and slowly I started to grow in confidence.

I now have so many friends, I’ve put on 3st, and I’ve got my smile back

In June 2025, John pleaded guilty at Crown Court to engaging in controlling and coercive behaviour, assault occasioning actual bodily harm and assault by beating.

He was jailed for three years and four months, and issued with a restraining order banning him from contacting me and the children for five years. As the sentence was read out, he stared at me without a sliver of remorse.

Since then, I’ve blossomed. I now have so many friends, I’ve put on 3st, and I’ve got my smile back.

My children witnessed a lot of violence but are flourishing, and I have a new partner who just lets me be myself and has helped me to trust again.

In February, I went to see a ballet production, which was always my dream as a child. It was so magical, I couldn’t quite believe it was really happening. But it was – I was free.

I want others to know that, like me, you can get away, too. You are so much stronger than you think.

• Visit Stand Up To Domestic Abuse at Sutda.org .