On the occasion of the opening year, we made a decision at the editorial meeting to write something positive. Everyone said to me, for example, I can write about love and what, introduce, what is love, and where, how, and when love will occur.
Colleagues say that this idea is excellent. After a few minutes, I thought that I was stupid. Because, if anyone writes love, he has to write when love fails, write the pain of the rejected love, write the end of love, write broken heart.
Love is everywhere. She is universal. None of the cultures scientists have studied so far have no idea what love is. However, it was not until the 1980s that experts began to study this phenomenon. Since then, psychologists, neurologists, and sociologists have tried to unravel the mystery of love. So far, the question about what love is in the end, the answer is Lin Lin’s total.
Initially (hormonal) confusion
Indian scientist Krishna Seshadri pointed out in a non-romantic style in the book “Nervous Endocrinology of Love” that love is nothing more than the result of an ancient mixture of neuropeptides and neurotransmitters. He writes that love goes through various stages. In the process, the neurons in the brain enter the excited state, bringing a lot of hormones to our body.
Everything starts here: Suddenly, someone has a special meaning for us. This person is unbeatable! His smile is very beautiful, and his views on the world are so extraordinary; she is full of sense of humor, and she is of course a special sign, talking to her, making people feel relaxed and happy. He is perfect! She is perfect! Everyone knows about this situation, isn’t it? It is we who fell in love.
At this stage, we are extremely focused on the object we are craving, and we are paying the utmost attention to everything that he or she has done. The advantages are over-promoted, and the shortcomings are either denied or not taken seriously. In this state, we can never let the people around us endure!
At this point, we can’t do anything else at all: from a neurobiological point of view, we are in an absolute state of emergency, similar to an extreme stress situation, just in a positive sense. According to Indian neuroscientist Seshadri, the increase in the cortisol measurement of the lover is very important for the formation of the relationship that the two are eager for.
The state of love is self-satisfied. At this time, the strong feelings are similar to the mental paralysis caused by drug abuse. This is not surprising, because in both cases, the brain’s reward system is very active. At this point, we have no feeling of fear, our emotions are high, and our melancholy is gone. At this stage, we can do our best to go into the trash without any regrets.
Psychologists can’t agree on this: how long the state of love can last. Only one point is clear: it will disappear sooner or later. But in those who are not discouraged, the emotional life is still the same, just calmer, and more affectionate.
The hormone-Oxytozin (the oxytocin) is the end of a fascinating but exhausting state of fascination. The connection between lovers can be deepened. The two support each other, and work together for mutual benefit and honor.
Love defeats rationality
For evolutionary psychologist David Buss, this is the key function of love: she connects two people together in a unique way, and the two decide to live together and share the same Responsibility, raising children, making compromises.
If two people are connected for rational reasons, there is danger: there will be another person suddenly appearing at any time, and this person is more embarrassed, stronger and better. Love protects us so that our partners don’t leave us when they encounter such situations.
In “The Evolution of Love in Humans,” Bath wrote: “Love is like reason.” Therefore, unconditional love is not just a romantic imagination. She is a kind of protection for the family. She prevented the two partners from being in an alarm and worry state, fearing that the next best competitor would destroy the entire life plan.
In partnerships, at least in theory, the monogamous lifestyle reinforces the stability of partners and families. All existing resources are invested in a family to ensure the survival of themselves and their children.
No life without love
However, the relationship will fail and will end. The evolutionary psychologist Bath has the saying: “Failure is the most painful experience a person can have. Only a terrible event like losing a child will bring more pain than it.”
Perhaps the reason why there is such pain is that the loss of relationship does not mean that love suddenly disappears. Love is more rational: she still exists, although there is no reason.
In Bath’s view, love has a life-and-death significance. And this may be why we will start again and again and be willing to endure the pain that love often brings.