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The Miss Universe National Costume Contest Got A Little Political This Year

With the demise of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, I had almost forgotten what high camp featuring feathers and fuckery was. But it’s alive and thriving at the Miss Universe pageant which will crown a new winner this weekend. Every Miss, from Earth to the farthest reaches of GN-z11 and back again, will be vying for the title of Miss Universe at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Florida on Sunday. Oh, who am I kidding? The game is so obviously rigged. An Earthing wins every fucking year. In fact, Earth was the only planet that bothered to send representatives to compete in the National Costume competition which was held earlier today. But let me tell you, Earth came to slay! Unfortunately, that’s kind of our thing.

Thankfully, a few contestants tried to counter humanity’s violent ways with their costumes. For example, Miss Singapore Bernadette Belle Ong’s outfit urged us to Stop Asian Hate with her flowing cape. And Steve Harvey’s lazy ass wasn’t there this time to fuck it up!

Wait a minute, was that a flying saucer ahead of her?!? I guess Mars sent a delegate after all. While this look wouldn’t cut it on RuPaul’s main stage (we know how Michelle Visage feels about bodysuits), judging from that announcer’s tone, I think she just won A Brand New Car! 

Another contestant with a message was Miss Myanmar Thuzar Wint Lwin. CNN Philippines reports (see, we are NOT the only outlet covering this dinosaur) that her costume got lost in the mail so instead she chose to wear her nation’s national dress. When the other girls are doing too much, keeping it simple is the best way to stand out in a crowd. Miss Myanmar held up a sign that read “pray for Myanmar.” Given the recent coup that kicked off in her country, “with more than 780 people killed by security forces and almost 5,000 arrested,” it was a sincerely powerful moment.

Also bringing a message to the main stage was Miss Uruguay Lola De los Santos who gave us a reveal moment with a rainbow skirt that read “no more hate, violence, rejection, discrimination.” The announcer clearly didn’t know what to do with all that so he just called her a “pretty young woman who decided to tell the world who she is.” So sadly, no new car for her.

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Here are a few of my favorite looks that had nothing to say other than LOOK AT ME! Here’s Miss Bahamas directing runway traffic.

Here’s Miss Indonesia giving those Florida alligators a run for their money!

These are all great, and these women are selling the shit out of these looks, but none can top my #1 draft pick, Miss Panama who walked in the club PROW FIRST, bitches!

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A post shared by Miss Universe (@reinasuniversal)

The only way she could have topped herself would be if she had turned it out and lip-synced My Heart Will Go On For. Her. LIFE! I bet Celine Dion is on the phone to Panama right now so she can build an entire new Vegas residency based on this outfit.

And here’s the rest of the countries:

Pic: Twitter

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