ARE you glued to your phone at mealtimes, is your child having to repeat themselves before you listen to them, are you checking your device before giving your little one a cuddle in the morning? You are not alone.
, the ’s commissioner for has criticised the ever-growing number of parents who spend too much time glued to their – and said that we need to look at our own behaviour if we want to protect our children from .
“As adults we are ourselves dopamine-addicted, stuck in a yet we still have no idea of what our children are seeing,”; she wrote last month.
Are you present and engaged with your child, or is your becoming an obstacle?
Take our quiz, devised by parenting expert Liat Hughes Joshi who wrote How to Unplug Your Child, to find out if you are putting your phone before your offspring.
How much do you use yours?
1. You’re at your child’s birthday party and they’re about to blow out the candles. What are you doing?
A. Trying to get that perfect photo for , while shouting: “Wait, do it again”;, until you get the right shot.
B. Filming the moment and watching through your screen – although you do realise that you should be more present.
C. Clapping, cheering and singing “Happy Birthday”; without a phone in sight. You’ll probably take a few snaps of the party, but you think it’s more important to take part in the celebration.
2. Your child asks you to tuck them in, but you’re in the middle of scrolling through a viral video. What happens next?
A. You tell them: “One second”; and they eventually fall waiting.
B. You delay going into their room while you finish the video, but then head in a bit grouchy for having to stop. Your child is annoyed at having had to wait. is spoiled.
C. You press pause and put your phone down to focus on their . The video was hilarious, but it’ll still be there later.
3. You’re waiting to collect your child at the gates. They run towards you, excited to share about their day. What’s your reaction?
A. You barely look up from your phone and say: “Hang on, let me just finish this message.”;
B. You give them a quick hug and half-listen while ‘just answering a quick email’.
C. You put your phone away when they approach the gates, greet them enthusiastically and show interest in their tale asking: ‘What happened next?’
4. It’s tea time and you’re with your kids at the table. Where’s your phone?
A. Right there with you, obviously. You eat with one hand and use your phone with the other, while your child watches .
B. On the table ‘just in case’. You keep looking at it longingly out of the corner of your eye when chatting to your child. It’s distracting even when it’s not being used.
C. In another room. Meals are a great opportunity to chat and catch up with your little one about their day.
5. Your child wants to ask you a question. What’s the usual sequence of events?
A. Your partner shouts to get your attention as you’ve been so engrossed in your phone that you have not heard your child call your name.
B. Your child literally puts their head between you and your phone to ask the question.
C. Your child asks once and you answer – with a follow up question to continue the conversation.
6. Your child proudly shows you a drawing, Lego creation, or handmade craft. How do you respond?
A. Say: “Oh that’s nice”;, without looking up from your phone.
B. Take a quick picture of it to share with friends, but forget to praise their work directly.
C. Put your phone aside, ask about what they created and how and why they made it.
7. You’ve agreed to play a , but halfway through, you hear message notifications and feel the urge to check your phone. What happens?
A. You sneakily look at it, then get sucked into scrolling and miss your turn. Several times. Your child needs to tell you to play your move and gets annoyed.
B. You check your phone “just for a second”;, but do so more than once and seem a bit distracted.
C. You stay fully engaged, even if that Monopoly game feels like it’s lasting forever.
8. It’s day and your child is competing in a few events. What are you doing?
A. Posting a live play-by-play to your group instead of cheering. You barely look up for their races.
B. Watching, sort of, while sneakily checking your phone for work messages.
C. Shouting their name and celebrating their efforts at the finish line with a big hug – whether they came first or last.
9. You’re on , surrounded by beautiful scenery. The rest of the family wants to explore a hidden trail. What do you do?
A. Stay behind to upload beach photos to Instagram.
B. Go along, but keep stopping to take pictures for your feed.
C. Leave your phone behind – or at least on silent in your bag – and immerse yourself in the adventure together.
10. Your child complains they’re bored on a Sunday afternoon. What’s your solution?
A. Hand them a so they’ll leave you alone to look at yours.
B. Suggest something fun, but keep checking your messages while they play.
C. Brainstorm a creative activity together, like building a fort or baking cookies, and put your phone away.
What your answers mean
Parenting expert Liat Hughes Joshi shares her advice, based on your answers:
Mostly As: The Screen-Obsessed Parent
Your phone is clearly in charge of your parenting and, more seriously, of you.
Do you really want to miss out on your little one’s childhood because you were too busy viewing ’ social posts?
You’re also setting a poor example, as kids naturally copy their parents’ behaviour.
So if you’re constantly glued to your phone, chances are they eventually will be, too. And it’ll be harder to set boundaries.
Now’s the time to pledge to cut down the screen interference. Are there parts of your day that you can commit to keeping screen-free?
Maybe the hour before and after school, during meals and at the kids’ bedtimes?
Write your new rules down and stick with them. Ask others in the family to keep you accountable.
Putting your phone out of sight and silencing all but essential notifications will cut the urge to scroll.
Mostly Bs: The Distracted Parent
You have good intentions, but your phone just keeps creeping in, preventing you from being fully ‘present’ with your child.
You’re aware of the problem, but can’t ignore that urge to scroll. It’s like an itch that needs scratching.
Find ways to in your life. Keep notifications turned off, or switch to allow phone calls only when you’re spending quality time with your child, or during specific parts of the day/week.
work for some families.
Leave your phone plugged in, out of reach to reduce temptation.
If you have an essential task to do, such as checking work messages, explain to your child that Mummy or Daddy has to do this, but won’t be long.
Then put your phone away immediately – no sneaking a look at or scores.
Mostly Cs: The Present Parent
You’ve nailed the parenting and juggle, using gadgets when it suits you and adds something to your lives, rather than allowing them to take over family life.
You’re also setting a example to your child.
Ofcom’s 2022 report highlights the role of parents in shaping and the impact of parental modelling.
If you, the grown-up, are setting your phone aside and not in its thrall, you are helping your child to be less reliant on phones.
It is worth remembering that even if you’re doing a good job here, other family members, and people they see around them a lot may still be using their phones too much in front of your youngster.
Make sure where possible these loved ones follow your lead when it comes to careful phone use and are aware of how they might be influencing your child.
Keep up the great work and enjoy those precious moments with your child – they’re fleeting after all, although it seems you’ve already realised that for yourself.
SMARTPHONES RULING YOUR HOME? HOW TO DIAL DOWN USAGE...
By Liat Hughes Joshi
CATEGORISE phone activities into ‘essential’, ‘enjoyable’ and ‘pointless’. The first can stay, the second if they’re not getting in the way of , and the third get ditched.
SET yourself and the household rules and keep each other accountable.
CONSIDER powering down during particular times of the day or week such as , when watching films, or Sundays.
SET up a phone bin or charging station and encourage all family members to leave gadgets there in evenings, especially when they go to bed.
GO back to an alarm clock, read offline and remove your phone from the bedroom. Avoid grabbing your device first thing when you wake up.
SWITCH to phone calls only mode for certain periods. Look at which limit access to non-essential phone functions, such as the Freedom app.
WRITE a reminder not to reach for your phone – it could be a post-it stuck on your device.
