FORCING her tired eyes open after another awful night’s sleep, Isabella Gawley suddenly felt an extreme wave of fear she had never experienced before.
As she tried to roll out of bed her body felt limp, completely from head to toe.
Aged just 18 and weighing just under 4st, she screamed for her mum, convinced she was dying.
It was October last year and Isabella was in the midst of a cardiac arrest, brought on after using the drug ketamine every day for the previous three years.
Now fighting for her life, Isabella’s addiction had finally taken its toll.
She says: “I had no idea what was happening but I thought to myself, ‘my life can’t end like this’.
“I managed to call out ‘mum’ and the look of terror in her eyes only worsened my fears.
“She watched me effectively die in front of her eyes and no parent should see that.”;
It was only when paramedics rushed her to hospital that the truth began to unravel.
Isabella’s drug use had left her body in tatters and after scarcely surviving the cardiac arrest, doctors said she’d need to wear incontinence pads for the rest of her life because of permanent damage the drug had done to her bladder.
She recalls: “A doctor told me at the hospital that he had never seen anyone like me in his 25 years working in medicine.
“He told me it was a miracle that I was alive.
“I’d worn incontinence pads for about six months – every day and in bed at night.
“I spent about £50 a week on them as I was going through so many.
“It made me feel really low – and using the pads only increased my use of ket as I thought ‘I’ve got no life, I’ve ruined it, I’m a young girl and I’m in incontinence pads.
“I was 18 and basically wearing a nappy and I realised I couldn’t go on like this.”;
Haunted by the memories
Isabella was 15 when she was first offered ketamine – commonly used as a horse tranquilizer – in October 2021.
She recalls enjoying the feeling it gave her, an escape route from life’s struggles including her ADHD diagnosis.
“When I took it, I felt like I was walking on clouds,”; she explains. “It allowed me to escape the reality of overthinking and overwhelming stress with my family, which made my ADHD worse.
“But my weekend habit shared with friends quickly grew into a crippling daily addiction.”;
Back then, she had no clue that three years later her young life would be hanging in the balance.
Medics managed to bring her back from the brink of death and stabilise her failing heart but she is still haunted by the memories.
Isabella is far from alone when it comes to ketamine addiction.
Deaths in the UK have surged by 650% over the last decade and one person dies from it every week.
There were seven deaths in 2015 compared with 53 in 2023 and experts warn of the ‘next drug pandemic’.
Ru Paul’s drag race winner, James Lee Williams – known as drag star earlier this year, caused by the effects of using ketamine, according to the family.
Isabella started out “sniffing keys”; of the drug at house parties, taking it with friends.
She recalls: “We were able to split the cost – paying for it with pocket money at first.
“But within nine months I was spending £30 on a bag of it every weekend.
“Later, I’d use my universal credit and money from being a part-time beautician, doing girls’ eyelashes.
“It was readily available and easy to get my hands on – all I had to do was turn up to social events and take it.
“And because my mates and I would take it as a group, we felt safe from harm.”;
Whilst Isabella says she knew the drug was life threatening she was in denial.
After leaving school in June 2022, she started studying sciences at college but dropped out soon afterwards, which she says was due to her .
Isabella, who is unable to work because of her health issues, recalls having a lack of purpose and falling into the “wrong crowd”;.
She says: “I started hanging around with people who took ketamine far more often than I did – which only led to me taking it more to feel like I belonged in the group.
“When my grandmother passed away in June 2022, the drug gave me a way to escape my grief.
“I didn’t feel sad when I took it – so I kept taking more.”;
Throughout her three-year addiction, Isabella spent a staggering £30k on the drug.
‘Drug-induced slumber’
Those who take a high dose of ketamine can go into a ‘k-hole’ – a state of extreme dissociation from reality where they can’t move or talk properly, a state which Isabella found herself most of the time.
“I wasted three years in hundreds of k-holes that totally wiped me out, but I couldn’t see a way out,”; she explains.
“Before long I went from a fit and healthy teen to a shadow of my former self.
“I started experiencing debilitating kidney and chronic bladder pains – and struggled not to go to the toilet every five minutes.
“My friends and family knew to some extent what was going on and they pleaded with me to get me to stop, but I was fully gripped by my .
“It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing on my mind as I slipped into a drug-induced slumber at night.”;
Within 12 months Isabella’s weight plunged and she went from a healthy 9st 7lb to 3st 7lb at the lowest point of her addiction.
“I went from sporty to skeletal – there wasn’t an inch of fat or muscle on me, I was a bag of bones,”; she explains.
“I used to love doing sports like gymnastics but my drug addiction stole that from me – instead I’d wake up and take ketamine straight away.
“My mum is a fully qualified nurse – she has three degrees in nursing – she gave her life and soul to make me stop.
“She did every possible thing a mum could do for her child and never lost hope or abandoned me.
“She would say to me: ‘I don’t want to watch you do this, I can’t watch my little girl do this to herself’ but it spiralled out of control.
“I knew what I was doing was wrong at that point, but I was in denial – I didn’t quite realise the extent of it.”;
Still living at home, Isabella struggled to hide the toll the drug was having on her body.
Relationships with friends and family began to sour as they lost hope that she would be able to change.
“After a bender, I’d sit on my bedroom floor buckled over in pain – as the ketamine wore off,”; she adds.
“I’d even put heaters behind my back because it helped to take away the pains in my kidneys and bladder.
“One time, I resorted to using my hairdryer – and as I drifted off it into ketamine-infused sleep, it melted into my bed.”;
It was the that almost took Isabella’s life which made her see she needed to get a handle on her addiction.
After a month in hospital, she made it her aim to “get clean”;.
She says: “I got myself back into the gym, into a better routine and generally keeping myself busy.
“It wasn’t easy, the temptation was always there – but I didn’t ever relapse.
“I knew as soon as I got rid of the pain, I would never touch ket again.
“Socialising with friends and family has been key, but in a normal, refreshing way – rather than the ketamine fueled frenzies of before.”;
Isabella is speaking out to warn others of the
She knows
“I want them to understand just how dangerous it is. Youngsters need to know ketamine will kill them – it’s a horse tranquiliser for a reason,”; she urges.
“Think of your families having to pick out your headstone – I came very close to putting my mum through the torture of having to bury a child.”;
Now, at 19, Isabella is slowly trying to rebuild her life but she struggles to forget the past.
She says: “My mum watched me almost die in front of her eyes – no parent should see their 18-year-old daughter barely clinging to life.
“The trauma I put her through was one of my main motivations for stopping.
“Now I just appreciate being alive.”;
I don’t want my mum to have to arrange my funeral.
Isabella
Isabella has been left with permanent damage to her kidneys and has to take medication but she no longer relies on incontinence pads.
She adds: “I came out of them a month ago, I know I’m extremely fortunate.
I feel a million times stronger, both mentally and physically.
“Although I have been left with permanent damage to my kidneys, the pains are nothing compared to what they used to be.
“At their worst it was horrific – like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was excruciating.I feel so lucky to still be here, without being permanently paralysed for the rest of my life or not being able to talk again.
“Not everyone is as lucky as I am.”;
