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Open Post: Hosted By Newlyweds Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Being Sickening

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Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani got married over the July 4th weekend, which is the first eyeroll of note in this story, because you just know they’re going to take cringe-inducing selfies from here into the afterlife with their hand-holding, lip-puckered silhouettes against night skies filled with illegal fireworks and captioned with queasy, sugar-coated crap like, “Our 14th anniversary, and sparks are still flying!” You already have a sickening newlywed couple in your life like this, and you know this sticky, oozy mess is coming and that you’ll have to smash “like” on each post to keep the blasted peace with all your mutual friends.

The next “Jesus fuck, please stop before my eyes roll into traffic” moment (I think we’re at thirty revolutions already) comes to us from People, and it’s easily going to out-gross the annual fireworks barf-fest. Gwen and Blake were at Blake’s restaurant in Oklahoma, and brought their squooshy, so-in-love roadshow tableside. via People:

On Thursday, newlyweds Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani gave patrons at his Ole Red restaurant in Tishomingo, Oklahoma the best surprise as they performed an acoustic set together.

After Shelton, 45, introduced his wife, 51, by her maiden name, the No Doubt alum had the cutest tease.

“I thought it was Gwen Shelton now!” Stefani replied after he introduced her as “Gwen Stefani.”

After the tease, Shelton’s face lit up with a wide grin before he let out a chuckle and shook his head.

Here’s the gushingly sweet moment that somehow delighted a venue full of patrons who clearly hadn’t yet had dessert:

People continues:

During their performance, the singer pair — who tied the knot in the Oklahoma town earlier this month — performed their duets “Happy Anywhere” and “Nobody But You.”

Following their July 3 nuptials at Shelton’s ranch in Oklahoma, the stars returned to their home in Los Angeles to tend to their respective careers, but it seems the couple made a trip back to Shelton’s homebase.

I guess with all the bleak shit in the world, it wouldn’t hurt to just wish these two crazy kids well and be extra mindful to steer clear of either of their SM feeds on their anniversary and spare ourselves the sparks shooting from their old-timey, sky-framed smooch! Ick.

Pic: Twitter/PopCulture.com