The 2021 Billboard Music Awards were last night and since things are “getting back to normal” (whatever that means), it was a maskless affair. But honestly, I wish Machine Gun Kelly was forced to wear a mask because then we wouldn’t see his black-stained tongue, which made him look like he tossed the salad of The Tar Monster from Scooby-Doo.
Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly and his bootleg Jennifer’s Body tongue did their part as the original Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian by grossing everyone out with this:
— Yahoo Entertainment (@YahooEnt) May 24, 2021
The Great Value Pam & Tommy did bring some elegance with Megan wearing a Thierry Mugler-designed Florida stripper ensemble circa the 90s, while MGK looked like Riff Raff’s zombie brother when the edible hits:
BTS looked like highly-coordinated, super-fashionable Korean boy pop-stars, which is exactly what they are, and I would never say anything bad about them because I’m not stupid like Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. Here they are in seven variations of a black suit performing their new song Butter–which is surprisingly not about Paula Deen:
Doja Cat won Top R&B Artist (which Justin Bieber was also nominated for, finally) and went sexy Beetlejuice:
She then switched into some other much less chic black and white outfit for her performance of Kiss Me More with SZA but that’s not what we need to discuss. The dancers. Their heads are… orange balls? They look like growths Dr. Pimple Popper removes from some person’s back.
— Opinionated Me (@opinion8dmecom) May 24, 2021
The Jonas Brothers went with producer Marshmello who worked with them on their newest single, Leave Before You Love Me:
Those leather pants? It looks like Kevin Jonas stole those from the highest-femme leather gay at The Eagle. And props to Nick Jonas for looking like a YA novel version of a teen TikToker Robin Hood who grew up on the Upper East Side and steals from his friends and family.
Gabrielle Union stayed ageless in a deep-cut white Prada dress.
Saweetie did a half/half Marie Antoinette/Lulus.com peach-colored prom-situation:
Migos showed up in the classic male rapper outfit of flashy, expensive-ass jewelry and vibrant, printed sportswear with denim, and I’m going to assume popular-brand sneakers. Fashion is a math formula, y’all! I see that Kulture let daddy Offset and his friends use some of her bling for the event, so kind of her.
Iann Dior dressed like a 12-year-old genius billionaire from a comic book:
For me, Kehlani stole the night with her dress which looked like if Morticia Addams went red and sheer:
Glass Animals‘ lead singer, Dave Bayley, chose a fuzzy, chunky, lavender sweater, pearls, and a crisp white shirt underneath. Love when a young man dresses like an old woman. From behind he absolutely could be confused for someone’s mother:
But sadly worst of the night went to Country artist, Gabby Barrett, who won Top Country Female Artist but also won Top Side Eye From Me, for her lop-sided liquid gold thing:
Sorry to Gabby, but she looks like a dollar store roll of gold Saran Wrap. And that up-do? It’s giving me: Meghan McCain‘s Hair Stylist.