Because finding scattered bits of fossilized, Greek ex-fiancé nut butter in her knickers drawer totally qualifies Paris Hilton as the heiress apparent to the intellectual bounty of ancient Greece; we are all now in the twisty position of being reminded that the sad crumbles of drunk, projectile DNA were more sentient and self-aware than their intended target. According to E! News, Paris and her glamorously prescient finger on the pulse of our culture both fervently believe that they, along with Britney Spears, are the originators of what is arguably (no argument here) the ominous sign of hell finally meeting its handbasket: The selfie.
via E! News:
In 2017, the 39-year-old reality star and socialite tweeted a photo of herself hanging out with Britney Spears in 2006, writing, “11 years ago today, Me & Britney invented the selfie!” Naturally, Twitter users were quick to disprove her claims, offering up pictures of other people’s “selfies” throughout history. But this week, Hilton was returned to claim the title once more.
She posted the same photo of herself with Spears, tweeting, “14 years ago, @britneyspears and I invented the selfie [red heart emoji] #LegendsOnly.”
More than 106,000 people liked the picture. In response, many tweeted two simple words, echoing Hilton’s famous catchphrase: “That’s hot.”
Here’s Paris’ tweet:
— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) November 20, 2020
Did Britney even consent to this latest round of delusional dumbassery? As of this writing, I couldn’t find a response, but there were plenty of other responses, ranging from sycophantic agreement and praise to claims to clear evidence of far older selfies, like these glorious specimens:
Sorry mate, these are the oldest selfie in the world. The first was taken in 1839. https://t.co/0nnrmU4VQR
— 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚋𝚢 (@slyletendre_) November 20, 2020
All I have to say is, they’re all woefully mistaken and need to take several seats. The true and clearly indisputable first selfie took place in Flagstaff, Arizona around 1999, when a few friends and I rather idiotically jumped into one of our snow-unequipped cars during what turned out to be a total whiteout March blizzard. Somehow we managed to pull off the highway to a rest area, still unable to see a damned thing, with our heathen asses praying to the god only atheists know. We took selfies with a disposable camera and left the thing where emergency responders were sure to see it, so our families could identify what was left of our bodies. Top that, Paris.